


A Second Chance at Life

by Isannah



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:01:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isannah/pseuds/Isannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hindsight is 20/20, but that means nothing to Isabella. Her choices have imprisoned her in a life that she never imagined for herself. Escaping is not an option...or is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where Did It All Go Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

** Chapter 1 **

** Where Did It All Go Wrong? **

" _I, Isabella Marie Dwyer, take thee, James Christopher Bennett, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to **OBEY** , till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance."_

_ -Traditional Christian Wedding Vows _

** BPOV **

"Mom, please. You need to calm down." It was a major understatement. She really did need to calm down. I could not stand to do this…again.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, Isabella. I think I have been extremely patient considering what you have put father and me through. We have not seen you for two years. _Two years_ , Isabella. I could live with it if I thought you were happy, if I knew you were safe. But I have had this feeling, this _overwhelming feeling,_ that something is just not right. _He's_ not right." I cringed as she spoke the words. It was one thing to hear the same rant that I had been hearing for months from her, but she threw my dad into it as well. That was simply not fair. She knew he was my weak spot. Even if he wasn't my biological father, he had been my dad in every sense of the word since I was three. I had always been his little girl and I'd like to think I still was even though at this point I probably didn't deserve to be.

"Mom, I would appreciate it if you would stop talking about my husband that way. I chose him. I am happy with him and he would never hurt me." I lowered my voice even though there wasn't anyone home to hear me. "He loves me."

Honesty was the best policy. It was the mantra I had grown up with for years. I had never been a liar, at least not until recently. Apparently it seemed the more lies I told, the easier they rolled off my lips, because what I just said to my mother was the most blatant of lies.

And Renee knew it too.

"Isabella, please. We both know he is _not_ the man he appeared to be when you two first met. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing and he preyed on your kind heart and your innocence. He doesn't love you. He wants to control you, there is a big difference."

I hated her words. I hated that she made me angry at her for saying them. I hated that she didn't approve of the man I married. And worst of all, I hated more than anything that she was right.

When I didn't say anything, Renee took the opportunity to continue her pushing. "Why don't we come to see you? I've never been to Chicago." Her tone had turned whimsical and carefree. It sounded like a perfectly natural question a mother would ask of her daughter, except I knew what she was doing. At first it was easy to put my parents off with excuses of James' demanding career. They made it clear that they weren't happy when we didn't come home for holidays or even just for a few days to visit, but they had accepted it…for awhile. Now they were just desperate to see if their suspicions about what my life had come to be were correct. It didn't matter, though. They would never come see me. James would never allow it.

"Mom, you know you and Dad don't like to fly and it's too far to drive. James is going to make partner real soon. I promise we'll come see you after he does. He'll need a vacation."

Another lie.

My mother sighed and I could tell she was beginning to give up, but not before one last ditch effort. Her tactic changed and her voice became softer as she began to plead with me. "Isabella, you know you can come to us, for anything. We can help you. Please. Let us help you."

I shook my head willing myself to dislodge the thoughts. It was at this point in the conversation that I would usually start to waver. I would let her words slip into my mind and for a brief moment I would allow myself to believe them. Could they really help me escape this enormous hole that I had dug for myself?

_ Not without falling in with you. The hole is just too big. You know that. _

The reality of what was happening assaulted my brain like lightning. I was slowly losing the upper hand in this conversation because I allowed myself to let in these miniscule slivers of hope. I needed to shut this down before I did something incredibly stupid. Clearing my throat I firmly dismissed what she was saying. "I don't need your help and I don't want to talk about this anymore. I need to get going anyway and start dinner."

Renee's voice became all quiet and I knew she was starting to get emotional. I did notwant to listen to my mother cry. I swallowed hard before speaking trying to will back my own tears. I did not want my voice to give me away. "Okay, Mom. I'll talk to you soon. Tell dad I said hi. I love you both." I ended the call before she had a chance to respond and placed my phone in the shoe box labeled 'Family Pictures' on the floor of my closet. James didn't want me making long distance calls because they were too expensive, but I needed a way to talk to my mom. So when I got my part-time job at the local library, I used a portion of my first paycheck to buy one of those phones that you just add minutes to when needed. I wasn't exactly hiding the phone from James. I just didn't think it was something he needed to know. No big deal.

_ Yeah, right. Who are you kidding? He would fucking flip. _

Ignoring my inner thoughts, I started working on dinner. James would be home in an hour and he would want to eat almost immediately after. Cooking on auto-pilot, I began thinking about what my mother said.

" _He's a wolf in sheep's clothing and he preyed on your kind heart and your innocence."_

Was that really how it happened? It didn't seem like it at the time. I had been twenty years old and studying to be an English teacher at the University of Florida. I had never been an overly outgoing girl, preferring to focus on my studies and hang out with the couple of good friends that I had. I wasn't into the party scene and I certainly didn't feel comfortable around boys. I wouldn't call myself an introvert, just cautious and responsible.

That was until I met James Bennett.

I was in line at a coffee shop waiting to get my daily caffeine fix when I had a distinct feeling that someone was watching me. Trying to be discreet, I casually looked behind me to see the most piercing blue eyes on the most gorgeous face staring right at me. He smiled at me and all I could do was shyly smile back and then turn around as fast as I could. I continued to feel his gaze on my back even while I was silently going through all the reasons why he couldn't possible be interested in me.

When it was finally my turn to order, I was an incoherent bundle of nerves. But it didn't stop the jerk behind the counter from trying to coerce my phone number out of me by threatening to withhold my beverage. I tried to tell him that I just wanted to get my coffee and be on my way, but he wouldn't take no for an answer obviously thinking he was God's gift to the female population.

"I believe the lady said no." The voice behind me rang out and I froze, not knowing what to do. The boy at the counter looked past me to see who the voice had come from. There was not doubt he was intimidated from the deer-in–the-headlights look that spread across his face. "I suggest you get her what she asked for, on the house of course, and apologize for being such a douche. And don't even _think_ about fucking looking at her in the process." This beautiful man towered over the coffee guy and pretty much scared the ever loving shit out of him. I was in awe. He was standing up for me and defending my honor, and I just…swooned.

From that moment on, James and I were inseparable. He was finishing up his law degree and would soon be taking the Bar Exam. He was my first in so many ways: my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first lover. He spent all his free time with me and made me feel special, something that I hadn't ever felt before. I even secretly reveled in thoughts of being wanted and desired when he would become jealous over the most insignificant things. At the time I found it endearing and just a sign of how much he loved me.

I adored him completely.

About six months after our initial meeting, things began to change. James passed the Bar and was offered a job at a law firm in Chicago. I knew he had to take it and I was crushed that he was leaving me. I was so wrapped up in being distraught over our inevitable breakup that it never even occurred to me in my wildest dreams that he would ask me to marry him. But he did and I stood there in total shock, ignoring every impulse that screamed things were moving too fast and said yes. We made love that night and he showered me with kisses, attention, and promises of a wonderful future together.

Renee and Phil had been absolutely furious when I announced that I was dropping out of school to get married and move to Chicago with James. They had never really warmed up to him. My mom constantly worried about my heart getting broken and my dad just didn't trust him. I tried to assure them that he was nothing but good to me and begged them to have faith in my judgment. I promised to transfer all my grades to a university in Chicago and finish my degree just as soon as we settled in. That seemed to appease them along with the fact that James was likely on his way to a successful law career.

The excitement I felt for the new life I was about to embark on had been overwhelming. The possibilities of what was to come were endless. Yet, here I sit, two years later. I still haven't enrolled in school. I haven't even gotten an application. There has always been some reason as to why the time wasn't right. As newlyweds, I put all my energy into the marriage that, in all honesty was tense and strained right from the beginning. James had passed the Multi-state Bar Exam in Florida, but had to pass the essay portion of the Illinois State Bar Exam in order to be able to practice in the state. His days were spent trying to prove himself in his new job and his nights were all about studying for that damn test. A lot was riding on it and it took its toll on James' mental health. It was exhausting just trying to keep up with his mood swings. We had a lot of arguments and most of them ended with me giving in because I didn't want to stress James out anymore than necessary and I also trusted him to know what was best for us.

As time went on, supporting James in his career clearly took precedent over everything else. He worked endless hours and was frazzled all the time. He took it out on me, spewing insults that focused on my appearance, my intelligence, and my competence. I kept telling myself that he didn't mean the horrible things he said, he was just under enormous pressure. At the time I couldn't really blame him for randomly snapping at me like that. _I_ was the one who needed to be more understanding and sympathetic to what he was going through. _I_ should have been more in tune to his needs.

You would think that now, since James' career is about to take off, that it would be my turn to get my professional goals back on track. However, according to him, there just wasn't any point in pursuing the completion of my degree. James was on the verge of finally making partner and talks of starting a family had been becoming more frequent. He never even asked me if I wanted children. He just made it clear that that was what was expected of me. End of discussion. I could hardly imagine subjecting an innocent child to all of this, but it looked more and more like I was destined to be a devoted wife, loving mother, and committed home-maker. Slowly, I watched my aspirations of making a real difference in the lives of kids simply disintegrate into dust. That shy girl of two years ago who dreamed of having her own classroom one day had all but disappeared.

I sighed wistfully at the future that probably would never be. The more I thought about everything that had happened in the last two years and my mother's words, the more solemn I became. I didn't want to acknowledge that she was right; because that would mean I would have to admit that my husband doesn't love me. He only wants to possess me. No, this is not what I expected my life to be, but there wasn't any reason to dwell on it. It wasn't like there was anything I could do to change it. James had methodically taken every last piece of independence from me. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to take it back. He owned me. At least I could pretend that I had it all back when I was working at the library. It was easy to become lost in the world of books and just…forget.

Dinner was coming along nicely. My cooking skills had definitely improved since marrying James. He made it clear that he wanted dinner on the table when he got home and simple things just weren't acceptable. If I was going to be home all day while he slaved to bring in the paycheck that I enjoy, the very least I could do was try to be fucking useful and provide him with a fucking home-cooked meal every night.

His words, not mine.

I had thrown myself into making his favorite dinner, chicken parmesan. I even cut the chicken paper thing just how he liked it. Of course he would never actually tell me how much he enjoyed it or that he appreciated the trouble I had gone through for him. Those days were long gone and watching him shovel it in faster than his mouth could move would be the only acknowledgement that I had actually done something right.

I looked at the table one more time to ensure that everything was just perfect and then turned my attention to the pasta boiling on the stove. It had to be al dente. Anything more than that was failure. As I lifted the pot to drain the water I heard the door open and close.

He was home. I set aside all my thoughts and kept my eyes on the sink. I took a deep breath as I tried to put a happy expression on my face.

Pretending I didn't hear him come in, I focused shaking the colander back and forth as I rinsed the starch off the pasta. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and I knew he was in the doorway, watching me. This time it didn't excite me or make me feel special. My skin started to crawl as I felt his eyes rake over my body. I didn't even attempt to make it known that I knew he was there. The longer I could go without talking to him the better. Finally, he crossed the kitchen and I felt his arms wrap around and grip me tightly as he kissed the back of my neck. I faked being startled and jumped a little.

"You know, Isabella, there was a time when you greeted your husband from a long day of work at the door. Yet, now you can't even be bothered to stop what you are doing to acknowledge my presence. How do you think that makes me feel?" Most wives would take that comment as a joke and retort with something witty and sarcastic. Not me. I wasn't falling for it…this time. I put on my best remorseful face and turned twisted myself around in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, James. Really, I just got caught up with dinner and I didn't hear you come in with the water running. I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise." Resorting to begging was something that I did often.

"I'll let it slide, this time. You can make it up to me, babe… _later_."

_ So not looking forward to that. _

"Looking forward to it." I smiled and looked at him from underneath my lashes trying to give my best come-hither look before returning my eyes to the pasta. The strands of spaghetti looked up at me with mixed pity and jealousy. Even they knew that they weren't the only limp noodles I would be attending to tonight.

_ I'm giving human emotions to pasta. What the hell is wrong with me? _

"Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes. Why don't you get changed into something comfortable and I'll pour you a glass of wine." He didn't say anything as he headed up the stairs. I let out a deep breath as I reached in the cabinet for a wine glass. I had chosen his favorite merlot to go with our dinner.

I dished up our plates and was putting them on the table when James arrived in the dining room. I took a moment to take in his appearance, trying to remember what his initial appeal was to me. Once upon a time, everything about him made my body tingle. He had that bad boy look that just made your toes curl. His long, blondish hair was carelessly taken care of and hung in disheveled layers that framed his face perfectly. His body was chiseled and strong. The t-shirts he wore showed off his rippling muscles in the most tantalizing way. And his eyes, those crystalline, blue eyes were piercing and had hypnotized me more than once. I thought he was the epitome of gorgeous. And by today's standards, most women still would.

However, over time, the things that I had loved about him now made me a little sick. Spending most of his time in a professional setting had forced him to wear his rebel hair in a slicked back pony tail that just looked downright greasy. The muscles I had once seen as sexy were now just weapons that he used against me from time to time. And those eyes. They used to look at me with what I thought was love and adoration. Now all they do is switch between disgust, possessiveness, and indifference. They scare the shit out of me because they never give anything away and I never know just what he is going to do next.

"How was your day?" I asked, not really caring, but wanting to seem like I cared.

"Same shit, different day. It's not worth getting into. You couldn't possibly understand or relate." Insulting my intelligence had become so natural to him that he didn't even have to think about it. "That reminds me, there's a work event tomorrow, just appetizers and cocktails. I need you to be ready by six." Hearing him say that made me want to gouge my eyes out with a fork. I hated his work events. He usually ignored me, his co-workers hit on me, and their wives sneered at me. All in all, these things were _fucking fabulous_.

James must have sensed my hesitation. "What is it, Isabella?" He looked annoyed.

"Oh, nothing, I'm just a little caught off guard. I didn't see anything for tomorrow night on the calendar."

"I just found out about it today, but we need to be there. At this stage of the game, we need to show how committed we are. I want that partnership and we won't do anything to fuck that up. So if Garrett invites us to something, we're there with fucking bells on." He said 'we' like we were really in this together. Like we were a team.

_ Yeah, right. Can I request a trade? _

I felt a snicker start to bubble up at my own lame ass joke and knew that it wouldn't go over well. I suppressed it instantly and poured James some more wine. "Well, then we'll go. I'll be ready at six." He didn't acknowledge me even though I knew he had to hear me. We spent the rest of dinner in silence and I was mostly thankful for that. The rest of me just felt the lack of conversation was making the time go by agonizingly slow and just wanted it to end.

When it was evident that James was just about done with eating, I started clearing the dishes from the table and began getting everything cleaned up. James went into the living room and turned on the television to some baseball game. He never offered to help, but I was fine with it because it meant that I could pretty much keep to myself until I finished. However, once the dishes were done, all bets were off. Sometimes I was lucky and he passed out in the living room, never making it to bed. Those nights I would quietly cover him with a blanket to make him more comfortable and increase the chance that he wouldn't wake up. Then I would go upstairs and read a little before going to sleep. Other evenings I could sense him waiting for me to finish in the kitchen. I knew on those nights, I would have to perform.

This one was one of those nights.

As soon as I pushed the button to start the dishwasher he was in the doorway. Lust filled his eyes as he held his hand out to me. "Come, babe. Let's go have some fun." I responded by taking his hand and letting him lead me up the stairs to our bedroom.

I used to love having sex with James. When he found out I was a virgin, he was so patient and waited until I was ready. When I finally gave him the green light, he went out of his way to make it as special as possible. Flowers, candles, love, tenderness: the works. Even as recent as a year ago, James had been a thoughtful lover. It confused me because one moment he could be so cruel with his words and then the next be making the most sweet and passionate love to me. It wasn't long after he started being physical with me that his compassion in the bedroom ended as well. Now, it was all about him and the only good thing I could say about it was that it didn't last that long…at all.

He took his pants and boxers off and sat down on the edge of the bed. He motioned for me to come to him and I complied. He pushed his hands down onto my shoulders and I kneeled in front of him. He pulled the hem of my shirt and I lifted my arms so he could pull it over my head. I felt exposed, but that was nothing compared to the repulsion I was feeling from knowing what I was going to have to do next.

"I will never get tired of seeing you like this, kneeling before me. You're ready to serve me, aren't you babe?" I cringed as the word 'babe' fell off his lips. Something about the way he said it went right through me. I just didn't like it.

"Of course I am, James." Like I had a choice.

"That's what I like to here. Now put that pretty little mouth of yours to good use." He grabbed me by the back of my hair and shoved his dick inside my mouth and started thrusting. I tried not to gag, but he was so forceful he hit the back of my throat hard. "That's it, babe. You take everything I give you, my little bitch." My eyes pricked with tears as I realized I had no power over what was happening. There was nothing I could do. He controlled everything: the pace, the angle, the forcefulness. My mother's words rang in my ears.

" _He doesn't love you. He wants to control you, there is a big difference."_

James began to grunt as he came and I quickly swallowed so I wouldn't choke. "Mine, you are fucking mine." He said as the last of his orgasm overtook him. He pulled out of my mouth, grabbed my chin harshly, and looked right into my eyes. "You remember that, babe." And that was it. He crawled back and slid underneath the covers leaving me kneeling at the bottom the bed. After about a minute, I slowly rose to my feet and looked at the clock on the nightstand.

_ Seven minutes. Seven fucking minutes of my life that I will never get back. _

I walked to the bathroom, shut the door, and reached for my toothbrush. After my final rinse I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw. My face was blotchy from the tears I had shed and my lips were chapped and swollen. My hair was disheveled from James' hands being wrapped in it. My skin was pale and my eyes were vacant. I didn't recognize the girl looking back at me. I didn't have the faintest idea of who she was and how she came to be. With one last glare, I turned my back on her misery and stepped into the shower.

The water cascaded down my body as I just stood there. I needed the water to cleanse me and wash the filth from my body. Even though James had not been inside me, I still felt dirty and unclean. I had already brushed my teeth until they bled, but that wasn't enough to erase the feeling of pure disgust over what I had just done. I didn't always feel this way. I had given James tons of blow jobs in the past. There was a time when I actually enjoyed giving him that type of pleasure. I had no idea when it had gone from an act I did out of love for James and a chore that I was obligated to do. But it had changed, and now it felt unnatural and just wrong. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the warmth of the water.

A small waft of cool air hit my skin. I heard the door to the bathroom open, but I never saw him coming.

The shower door flung open and there was James, seething. His eyes were filled with anger and he was showing his teeth like a rabid animal. I immediately backed up into the furthest corner of the shower stall knowing that there was no where I could go. I was trapped. Clothes on and all, he stormed into the shower and grabbed my throat while slamming my head against the tile. Stars started to form behind my eyelids as I tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

"What. The fuck. Is. This?" His voice was venomous as he demanded an answer. Instinctually my hands flew up to his as I tried to claw them away from my throat. His grip only got tighter and I could feel my body begin to seize from the lack of oxygen.

"Answer me, Isabella!" I forced my eyes open and tried to concentrate on the small object he was holding in his hand. Everything was blurry but I fought through it so I could give him a response and hopefully get him to let go. I could see it now. It was small. It was black. It was my cell phone.

I. Was. Screwed.


	2. Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

_ “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”  _

_ ~Jim Davis _

** Chapter 2 **

** Lies **

** BPOV **

"If you know what's good for you, you will fucking answer me. NOW!" I flinched as James bellowed out the last word but I couldn't do what he asked. His grip around my throat was too tight and unrelenting. I tried to recall a time when I had seen such anger in his eyes and came up empty. This was bad, real bad. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this unscathed.

"Pl…please. I…I…c-can't…" I used all my might to get out those few words. His eyes darted from my eyes to the hand that was wrapped around my throat. His whole demeanor shifted as he realized that what he was doing was going to kill me if he didn't stop. His hand slightly loosened and I sputtered and gasped as the air whooshed in. I was well aware that his hand was still around my throat, it was just not crushing my windpipe at the moment.

He slowly reached to the faucet and turned off the water. We were both soaking wet and I started to shiver as cool air replaced the warm water and hit my naked body. Once the water was off, he dragged his hand up my arm and brushed the wet hair off my shoulder and behind my back. He was calm. Eerily calm. I knew from experience that this was when he was the most dangerous. His voice turned sinisterly sweet.

"Let me tell you a little story, Isabella. Would you like that?" He didn't wait for a reply. "After a long day of work, a mediocre dinner, and an even less satisfying blow job, all I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and get some sleep. I was just about to drift off when I heard this ringing coming from somewhere in the room."

_ Shit, shit, shit.I hadn't turned it off.Why the fuck hadn't I shut it off? _

"Imagine my surprise when I followed the sound and found this in a box at the bottom of your closet. I was a confused at first because _my_ wife would _never_ go behind my back and secretly have her own cell phone. Would she, Isabella?"

I didn't say anything because I couldn't tell what would get me into more trouble. If I admitted to owning the phone, I would be punished. If I denied it, he would know I was lying, and I would be punished. This was a no-win situation, for me anyway.

"What? Got nothing to say, Isabella? That doesn't surprise me. Your mother, on the other hand, had quite a lot on her mind." I couldn't contain the alarm on my face when he mentioned Renee. She had called and he answered the phone. Oh, this could not be good.

"My, my mother? Wh-what did she say?" I tried to hide the underlying terror that was flowing in my body. My efforts were futile. He knew he struck a nerve.

"Well, let's see. She rattled on and on about what a horrible person I was for taking you away from her." He held up his hand and started counting on his fingers. "She said I was controlling, abusive, heartless, oh and that I was sucking the life right out of you. That one's my favorite." I love my mother dearly but I was going to kill her, if I made it out of this alive that is.

"Is this what you're telling her? These lies?" Of course James thought that they were lies. He couldn't even see that at this exact second he was being abusive and controlling. It was like he truly felt that there was nothing wrong with the way he was treating me. Everything was my fault and I deserved everything I got. I had to talk my way out of this before it got really ugly.

"James, you know my mother. She rambles. No one ever takes her seriously. I never told her any of those things. She just wants me, I mean us, to come home for a visit. It's been two years. That's all, I swear."

"Like I am going to believe anything your lying mouth has to say. But I guess it doesn't really matter now anyway." He paused. Before he continued a sinister grin appeared on his face. "I don't think your mom will be calling again."

"James, what did you do?"

"Let's just say Renee and I are…at an impasse." What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Please, James, I need my mom. She's the only connection I have to my life back home." I felt the panic well up inside me. He was cutting off from my mom and in turn, every shred of hope I had left.

" _That_ is not your life anymore. I am your life now. You are my wife and I demand nothing less than your complete attention. You. Belong. To. Me!" He yelled as he took the cell phone and smashed it against the tile. Watching the thing shatter into a million pieces was like watching my life splinter as well. There was nothing salvageable. And soon there would be nothing left of me to salvage either.

"I won't tolerate anymore secrets, Isabella. Consider yourself warned. You even think about doing something like this again, I won't be so forgiving." He squeezed my throat and gave my head one more shove into the tile for good measure. "Now clean this shit up and get your ass into bed." He stepped out of the shower and stalked off into the bedroom.

I reached up to my neck and could feel the stiffness already begin to take over. My head was throbbing and I was still coughing a little from the lack of air. But that was the least of my problems. My mom was probably freaking out from whatever James' told her and who knows when I would have the opportunity to call her. How long would it be before she gave up on me, if she hadn't already? James could have told her any number of lies and he could be quite convincing when he wanted to be. Hell, he was a lawyer after all.

The tears started to flow as regret consumed me. For awhile my mom had been begging and pleading for me to accept her help in getting me out of this so-called life. I always pushed her away because I didn't want to get her involved. James told me all the time that I belonged to him and that if I ever left him he would find me. He made it clear that there was no where on this planet that I could escape to because he would make it his life mission to bring me back. I knew he meant it and I couldn't possibly mess up my parents' lives by subjecting them to the wrath of James just because I had been too stupid to see the warning signs when I was younger. But every time I denied her help, I still knew in the back of my mind that it would always be there if I ever mustered up the courage to take it. Now it was completely gone and my window of opportunity had been nailed shut.

_ Why hadn't I taken her up on it when I had the chance? _

That was the million dollar question and I had absolutely no answer to it.

By the time I had gotten dressed and cleaned up what was left of the cell phone, James was already asleep. I tried to slip into bed as inconspicuously as possible, but apparently I was a failure at that too. Without so much as uttering a word, as soon as I was under the covers James put his arm around my waist and pulled me close into his side so that I was practically suffocating. The way he held me wasn't at all loving or reverent. It was possessive, like he was keeping me from trying to flee.

_ If it were only that easy. _

Sleeping was next to impossible. James smelled like stale wine and it made me slightly nauseous. The weight of his arm was suffocating and I was too hot. So, I just laid there and tried to persuade myself that everything was going to be okay. Despite my efforts, my mind just wasn't hearing it.

I watched as the alarm clock switched from 5:59 to 6:00 and music from a local radio station blared out of it. Six hours. I had been lying in bed awake for over six hours.

James stirred, mumbled something to me about coffee, and then headed to the bathroom to get ready for work. When the door shut I made my way downstairs and started the coffee. James never ate breakfast, so I never made it. I had always been a big breakfast person. Renee had drilled into my head since I was three years old that it was the most important meal of the day and Phil loved to cook. I never left the house without having a bellyful of something elaborate and filling. In the beginning I tried to make James breakfast a couple of times, but he refused to even try it. Then for awhile I would make it for myself after James had left for work. But lately, it just didn't seem worth it. I didn't seem worth it.

Lost in thought I stared intently as the hot coffee filled the pot. Once again, I could feel him watching me before I saw him. He didn't speak as he reached over my shoulder to get a travel mug from the cabinet. My body involuntarily tensed up. It wouldn't be the first time James' punishments continued into the next day, and he was so angry last night. The hits never came, but he leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"I expect you to be ready at six and make sure you wear something…appropriate." He was being civil, but his tone was still laced with anger. I turned around to meet his gaze and I saw that his eyes were fixed on my neck. So that's what he meant by appropriate. I needed to wear something to cover up the marks he had made on me.

"Maybe it would be better if I didn't go." Because I'd rather eat broken glass than go and play the loving and devoted wife.

"Oh, you're going. It's all about appearances now and Garrett will wonder where you are if you don't attend. And don't think you're going to pull your moody, quiet shit either. You are to be social and act like there is no other place you rather be. You will not embarrass me tonight, Isabella. Am I clear?" He gave me a look that I had seen many times before. It was his you-do-as-I-fucking-say-or-there-will-be-hell-to-pay look.

"Crystal." He nodded before taking his cup and leaving the kitchen. I sighed in relief when I heard the front door close.

~o~o~O~o~o~

"I'm taking off, Angela. If I don't leave now I won't be ready on time." I said as I finished cleaning up my area and grabbed my coat. I had purposely started my day at the library a little earlier so that I could leave in time to make myself presentable.

"Ah, it must be so tough being married to an up and coming hot shot lawyer." She sighed as she brought her hand up to her face and fanned herself. I rolled my eyes and gave her a small wave as I left the library. To the outsider, my life looked perfect. Little did she know there was absolutely nothing to be envious of. Garrett had announced at the work event following the cell phone incident that he was making James a partner. James would no longer have to struggle to prove himself, take shit from anyone having seniority over him, or worry about how he was going to pay back his student loans. As partner, he was leaving that life behind and heading toward a future where he could hand select the cases he wanted to take on. Associate lawyers would try to prove themselves to _him_ and he would bring in a paycheck that would rival Oprah's. You would think that it would be a milestone in our lives together. You would think we could celebrate the fact that we had made it.

_ Yeah, not quite. _

He was still pissed as hell at me, but we went to the party anyway. He played the devoted husband and I played the dutiful wife. I laughed at his jokes, schmoozed with all the important people, and cried tears of support and joy when he was announced partner. I wonder what all those tight-asses would all think if they could see what was under my high turtleneck sweater dress. Would they be appalled that he had left bruises in the shape of his hand around his wife's neck or would they just stick their noses in the air and ignore it?

He didn't speak to me on the ride home. He didn't speak to me when we got home. He hadn't spoken to me in almost a week. He left in the morning without saying goodbye. We ate dinner in silence and went to bed the same way. I think he thought that he was still punishing me, but actually it was like a vacation. And like a vacation, when you finally feel like you're at the point of being truly relaxed, it was fucking time to go home.

When he finally spoke to me, it felt like my retreat was over and I had to go back to reality. He announced that we were going to a cocktail party at Garrett's house. I wanted to ask why we had to go since his ass kissing days were over, but my self-preservation mechanism inside told me it probably wasn't a wise idea. His tone was clipped and it looked like it wouldn't take much to send him right over the edge. It was something I was not willing to do because, frankly, I didn't have any more turtleneck dresses.

We drove over to Garrett's in James' spanking brand new fuck-me-red Corvette. He went out and bought it the day after he had made partner as a reward for all the hard work he put in to get that promotion. I couldn't blame him and if things were better between us, I probably would have encouraged him to buy it. He had worked his ass off and deserved it, there was no denying that. But the fact of the matter was that I had no idea that he had even done it. It just showed up in the parking garage one day and if hadn't had 'BENNETT1' on the license plate I would have never had know it belonged to him. I couldn't help but be a little irritated that he had gotten so angry because I didn't tell him about my little ole cell phone and yet he could go out and buy a fucking car without saying a word. Not that he would even remotely see it that way.

The night was as excruciating as I thought it would be. James had started out as usual with the pretense that he was nothing less than head over heals in love with me. However, the more and more he drank the less and less attention he paid to me until I was completely left alone. I tried to make chit chat with the pack of cougar wives that I was forced to sit with, but it was soon clear that they had nothing to say to me. James was the hot new plaything and I was… the inconvenient competition. I finally chugged down the rest of my champagne and left the table to go find sanctuary in the bathroom for a little while.

The downstairs bathroom was already in use so one of the wait staff suggested that I use the one at the top of the stairs. Garrett had instructed them to let people know it was available if needed. I said thank you and made my way up the stairs. I was just about to turn into the bathroom when I heard low but heated voices coming from the next room down. Normally I would just ignore it, but when I heard James' voice I stopped to listen to what he was saying. It was when it was clear that he was talking to a woman that I was frozen where I stood.

"Babe, you know I want you. C'mon, don't be like this."

"No, James, I don't know. I don't see why you would even bring her here. She's just so…so…uh, I don't know what she is. I can't see how you would even fall for her in the first place."

"You know why I needed to bring her. She's my wife and it's expected that she will accompany me. And as far as what I saw in her, let's just say at the time it didn't take much to make me happy." I couldn't believe he was talking about me like this.

"I think it's time for an upgrade. She doesn't fit in with your life anymore. She's Cheese-Whiz and you're caviar. She can't possibly meet your needs."

"And what, you're an upgrade? I've told you, Victoria, I'm married and there will be nothing more to us than this. Isabella may not be enough to satisfy me anymore, but she is mine and I won't give her up. You, on the other hand, are replaceable."

"You are such a fucking asshole." She didn't say it with as much malice as I would have thought considering how he had just spoken to her.

"And you are fucking sexy as hell. C'mere, babe." I could here them assaulting each other and my eyes began to well up with tears. I shouldn't have been surprised that James had been cheating on me, but it hit me harder than a slap to the face. It wasn't that he was with another woman. I wasn't jealous and I didn't feel like my heart had been crushed. I did feel betrayed. But more than that, I was just pissed at myself. It was just one more reason why I should have gotten out of this a lot sooner when I had the chance. Just knowing that I was _that_ wife, the one everyone whispers about being oblivious to her husband's affair was just pathetic. It was just one more thing to make my living hell even more difficult to bear.

I don't know how long I stood there and listened to them go at one another like a couple of horny rabbits. Their moans and grunts rang in my ears and I could actually hear my heart beating inside my chest. I wanted to go in there. I wanted to see the look on their faces when I discovered them. I wanted James to feel guilt and regret over his lack of fidelity. But the bottom line was it never mattered what I wanted. He wouldn't be remorseful because he gave two shits about my feelings.

" _He doesn't love you, he wants to control you. There's a big difference."_

My mother's words flashed through my mind and I slowly started backing up towards the stairs. At that moment, the last thing I wanted to do was make a scene that would most definitely end badly for me. I wanted to go home. I couldn't stay in that house one more second. I walked briskly down the stairs and didn't look back to see if anyone was looking at me as I slipped out the door. As luck would have it, someone was arriving in a cab just as I walked out into the cool air. I hopped in, gave the driver my address, and let out a breath that I had been holding for lord knows how long.

After a long shower and some comfortable clothes, I felt somewhat better. I decided to wait for James to come home instead of going to bed. He would have been furious that I had left without telling him, even though he was the one off fucking around. It would be much better if I met James head on instead of being awakened by him out of a sound sleep. I didn't have to wait long before the door flew open and he was running in.

"Isabella, where the fuck are you?" His eyes darted all around but he still didn't notice me sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room. He was about to head up the stairs.

"I'm right here." I tried to sound brave and confident despite feeling neither. He stalked over to me and I stood up, ready to take whatever he was going to dish out.

"Do you even remotely understand how embarrassing it was for me to find out from one of the partners that you had left? I looked like a goddamn idiot. You have a lot of fucking explaining to do." Oh, he was mad, but so was I.

"I'm not the only one." My voice was quiet, but clear.

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Time to be strong, Isabella.

"It means, dearest husband that you need to explain why you even wanted me to go with you when you were planning on meeting up with your whore the entire time." It was worth all the tea in China to see that evil expression on his face falter for just the length of a second. He had been caught. It took him off guard. He didn't like it one bit.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. You are delusional." He was trying to deny it but we both knew I spoke the truth.

"No, James. I heard you and Victoria in the room upstairs. I heard everything that happened."

"You were listening in on my private conversation? How dare you." Only James would twist his torrid affair into something that I could be blamed for. And now that I was at fault, in his mind he had the right to be livid. It gave him the justification he needed to punish me. He raised his hand as he stalked toward me.

He was going to hit me. I knew it was coming but I kept my eyes open so he could see the pain in them when he hurt me. I wasn't going to let him off the hook on that one. However, the phone rang two steps before he reached me. We both stopped and looked at each other with mutual confusion. The house phone never rang. James only used his cell phone and well, nobody ever called me. That coupled with the fact that it was almost midnight threw us both for a loop. Who the hell would be calling at this hour?

James walked over to the phone and picked it up without once taking his eyes off me. I listened to the one sided conversation and tried to decipher who it possible could be. "Hello?...Yes it is…Yes she is." He listened intently for a bit and I could see the fury in his eyes soften just the slightest bit. "When?...I see….Hold on." He held up the phone in my direction and spoke to me in a flat, unemotional voice. "It's for you."

I slowly made my way over to him and hesitantly took the phone. I couldn't imagine who would be calling me on this phone, at this hour. I was probably going to pay for it later.

"Hello?"

"Um, hello. Am I speaking to Isabella Dwyer Bennett?"

"Yes." I had no idea where this was going.

"My name is Officer Smith with the Florida State Police. Do you know a Phillip and Renee Dwyer?"

"Yes, they're my parents. Is something wrong, officer? Are they okay?" My voice began to shake. Whatever reason he was calling for, it wasn't good.

"Unfortunately, Mrs. Bennett, there has been an accident. Mr. and Mrs. Dwyer were hit by a man who suffered a heart attack while driving. I'm sorry, but neither of them survived. I understand that you are their only living relative. Is that correct, Mrs. Bennett?" I began to feel dizzy and the room started to spin. "Mrs. Bennett? Mrs. Bennett, are you still there?"

I could hear him, but I couldn't answer him. My parents were…gone. I looked to James to see that he was cautiously watching me as I received the news that he had just heard. The phone slipped out of my hand. "No." It was the only word I remembered before everything went black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

__ “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”  
~Randall Terry

** Chapter 3 **

** Home **

** BPOV **

_ It was bright. So bright I couldn't make out the things around me. I raised my hands to shield my eyes from the blinding sun. I was on the edge of a magical meadow dotted with purple and yellow wildflowers. The breeze softly blew making my hair swirl around my face. I felt tickling around my ankles and glanced down to see that it was just the hem of my long, flowy, white night gown. _

_ My long, flowy, white what? _

_ Where was I and how did I get here? And why was I dressed like I stepped out of an episode of Little House on the Prairie? _

" _Isabella." My clothing was quickly forgotten as my head shot up to see where the voice was coming from. Once again I needed to shade my eyes from the sun. As they began to focus, I could see two figures across the meadow. I couldn't see their features, but I would know them anywhere. I began to run._

" _Mom! Dad! You're here." I cried as I finally reached them. I flung myself into their awaiting arms. "I thought…they told me…but you're here." I was so relieved. They weren't dead, they were here and they were holding me. It must have all been a nightmare._

" _Oh, Isabella, don't cry. Shhhh." My mother patted my head. "It's okay; everything is going to be okay." I felt instant comfort and relief in her touch._

" _Renee, we have to go. It's time." My father said as he rubbed circles on my back. I pulled away._

" _Go? Go where? You don't have to go?" The panic was starting to come back._

" _Yes, Izzytizzy, we do have to go. They don't allow dead people to stay on Earth." Normally I would have smiled at the use of my childhood nickname, but I was having a hard time getting past what he had said next._

" _Dead people? So it wasn't a nightmare? It was all true? I've lost you?"_

" _Stop it, Phil. You're upsetting her." My mother, in typical fashion, smacked him on the shoulder. "Isabella, sweetie, we may not be able to stay here with you, but it doesn't mean you've lost us. Trust me when I say that when you need us, we will be there to help you. No matter what happens, we will be with you every step of the way."_

" _But how…?"_

" _That doesn't matter. Just have faith." She looked into my eyes and took my face in her hands. "You, Isabella, are going to do great things, I just know it. Just promise me that regardless of what he does, you never, ever give up. Can you do that for me, sweetie?" My tears made it impossible for me to say anything so I just nodded. "I mean it, Isabella, don't ever give up on the life you deserve." I forced my voice to comply._

" _I won't, Mom. I promise." She smiled in relief._

" _Good girl." She looked over to my dad who was just staring at her. "Okay, now we can go." He nodded and then turned to kiss my temple._

" _We love you, Izzytizzy. Don't ever forget that." I tried to scream in protest, but it wouldn't come. How could they just leave me? I needed them now more than ever. I closed my eyes and shook my head back and forth._

" _No, no! I won't let you…" I wasn't going to let them go. I wouldn't allow it. Opening my eyes with new resolve, the words from my lips faded as I saw that I was alone. They were gone._

" _Mom! Dad! Come back!" I crumbled to the ground and began to shake. But it wasn't an involuntary shaking. Someone was doing the shaking for me._

"Isabella, babe, wake up." I felt strong hands wrapped my arms and I immediately shot up to escape them. James watched me with strange eyes as I backed up against the headboard of the bed. I needed to get as far away from him as possible.

"It's okay. It's just me." He held his hands up in front of him with his palms out defensively. "No one's going to hurt you."

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. It was slowly all coming back to me.

_ The cell phone incident. James making partner. The cocktail party. James' infidelity. Confronting him. The phone call. My parents…oh my God, my parents were killed in a car accident.  _

My head shaking got more furious. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" I clutched my arms around my midsection because I was sure that I was breaking apart. I was not going to survive this. James cautiously moved so that he was closer. I immediately flinched when he reached out and softly placed his hand on my face.

"Shhh. It's okay. I'm going to make sure you're okay." I tried to make out any malice in his face but found none. The look of true sincerity was an expression that I hadn't seen on his face in years.

I was…confused.

It must have shown on my face because he sighed before speaking again. "Isabella, I know that things between us have not been great between us." I raised my eyebrow at him. "Okay, they've been fucking horrible and I…I don't even recognize myself anymore. This is not how I saw our marriage going, and I know that it's entirely my fault."

_ What the hell? _

"I've been terrible to you since we moved here and I have no excuse. But, babe, when you got the news about your parents I have never been more scared in my life. The look on your face at that moment was horrifying. I recognized that look, because I have put that same look on your face over and over again. What kind of husband am I if I am responsible for putting that expression on my wife's face even once?"

I didn't say anything. This was a lot to take in. James must have seen my silence as skepticism. He picked up my hands so that they were gently encompassed by his. It took all my willpower not to snap them out of his grasp.

"I don't expect you to believe me or trust me. At least not for awhile. But, Isabella, I promise you things are going to be different from now on and one day, I will be able to prove to you just how much I love you." I tried to express my uncertainty about everything he just said but was cut off.

"You don't have to say anything now. I know I have a lot of work to do to earn back your trust. But please, let me be here for you. You don't have to go through this alone. Let me be your rock."

I couldn't just forgive him for two years of mistreatment, but could I let him help me through what was sure to be agonizing? He seemed genuine and I couldn't help admit that I needed someone, anyone, to help me through this. I nodded slightly.

"Okay." He let out a breath in what seemed life relief. "I took the liberty of scheduling flights to Florida for both of us. We still have a few hours before they leave."

"You're going with me?"

"Of course. Rock, remember." I smiled just a little. Not only had he taken the initiative to get me to Florida as soon as possible, he was going with me.

"What about work?"

"I've already called them. They understand. Why don't you start packing and I'll make you a sandwich. You must be hungry."

"Okay." James smiled before turning and heading out. I called his name and he stopped to look back at me. "Thank you. James."

"Your welcome, babe." And with that he was gone. I couldn't even fathom what this all meant. James had been so cruel to me for so long, I didn't know anything else. But today, today he acted like my old James, the one that so long ago had found something worthwhile about me to love. I couldn't think about this now. I just couldn't. Not when…

The sobs came uncontrollably as the news of my parents crushed me once more. They were gone, forever. I hadn't seen them in two years and now I would never see them again. I had to wrap my arms around my midsection to hold myself together. It felt like someone had punched a hole in my chest.

"Here you go, babe." James came in carrying a plate with the sandwich he just made and a soda. "Oh, shit, Isabella, it's okay. Come here." He put the food down and rushed to my side. I didn't even have the energy to react when he put my arms around me. To be honest, I didn't want to push him away. I needed to feel like someone cared about me. I melted into his side and accepted his comfort. He held me, rubbed my arms, and stroked my hair while whispering words of reassurance. When I finally was able to stop crying, he was still there, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Do you think you're ready to eat something? It would be good for you if you could." I nodded and he smiled. "Good. Why don't you eat and tell me what you want to pack. I'll get it and put it in the suitcase."

I watched him as he packed my suitcase. I watched him as he helped me into the cab that was taking us to the airport. I watched him as he took care of checking our luggage and getting our tickets. I watched him as he waited patiently as I put my shoes back on after making it through airport security. I watched him as he asked the stewardess for an extra pillow and a blanket so that I could get some sleep on the plane. He took care of everything and still made it a point to be tender with me and make sure that I was okay. I was one-hundred percent baffled, but there was a part of me that enjoyed having my real husband back.

Upon arriving in Florida, we collected our luggage and rented a car. The closer James got to my parents' home, the more panicked I became. I felt my heart begin to race and my throat started to close up. James sensed that I was about to have an epic meltdown. He placed his hand just above my knee and gently rubbed circles with his thumb. Suprisingly, it calmed me enough to suppress the anxiety attack that was about to happen. I even had pulled it together enough to keep my wits about me when he pulled in the driveway.

I stared at the house. It looked exactly the same as when I left. After Dad was injured playing minor league baseball, he had taken a job as a physical education teacher and baseball coach at the local high school. Between his meager salary and my mom's inconsistency with holding down a job, the small ranch in front of me was all they could afford at the time. They kept it up nicely with a well manicured lawn and gorgeous perennials all around, but it still wasn't much.

To me it was home, and nothing, I mean nothing was more beautiful.

"Are you ready to go in?" James said hesitantly. We had been sitting there for well over ten minutes while I just stared. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I sighed and nodded.

_ Might as well get it over with. You can do this. _

We walked up to the front door and I retrieved the key my mom kept under the fake rock. I smiled as I realized that she had never, ever changed her hiding spot. I put the key in the door and pushed it open. James took my hand and waited for me to lead him in. As soon as I crossed the threshold all my senses were attacked.

The house was comfortably lived in and reminders of my parents were everywhere: my father's reading glasses on top of a folded newspaper, my mother's big floppy gardening hat hanging up on a coat rack, pictures of them together, pictures of me when I was little, a used coffee cup with a lipstick stain. I could smell hints of the candles my mother burned nonstop since as long as I can remember. The only sound was the familiar ticking of the grandfather clock that sat in their living room. The ticking seemed to get slower and heavier, like time was slowing down. My head started swirling as a lifetime of memories came flooding back to me. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop.

"I need to lie down." I said as I let go of James' hand and headed to the only place I could find solace, my parents' bedroom. I opened the door and breathed in their scent. God, I missed them. How could they be gone?

Climbing onto the bed, I lied down on their pillows and surrounded myself with their comforter. It immediately soothed me and I felt myself calm down until I felt nothing at all.

I went numb.

Day turned into night and then back to day again. I cried, I slept, I stared into nothingness. I was vaguely aware of James coming in to check on me, bringing me food, talking to me, rubbing my back. But I couldn't respond to him. The fog that was weighing me down was also keeping away the pain and that was good enough for me. It wasn't until James was insistent that I wake up that I actually felt something: the need to use the bathroom. Ignoring him I crawled off of the bed and unsteadily headed towards their bathroom.

"Um, the funeral people are coming today." I stopped short and inhaled deeply. I had to plan a double funeral. An overwhelming feeling consumed my body and I fell to my knees. James rushed to my side. "Isabella, don't worry. You don't have to do this. If you want, I can talk to them." The emotion that came over me took me by surprise. I felt angry. Fucking furious to be exact.

"Why would I want you to plan their funeral? You barely knew them and you've made it perfectly clear that you didn't even like them." It came out before I had a chance to filter it through my brain. I snapped my hand up to my mouth and covered it. This was going to piss him off. I was going to get punished right here in my parents' bedroom.

_ What the fuck is wrong with you? _

I watched him as he groaned a little, but the punishment never came. Instead he looked at me like I had wounded him. I, Isabella Bennett, had actually hurt my husband and not the other way around. He dropped his head and spoke quietly.

"I know that, and believe me, it's one of my biggest regrets. They were, I mean are important to you and I should have tried harder. Now I never will and I'm so, so sorry. This whole thing has shown me that life is too short to not show people how much you care. You're right. I know I have no right to even pretend like I knew who they were. I just want to make this easier on you."

_ And now I feel like the world's biggest ass. _

"I'm sorry for being so harsh, James. You've been nothing but wonderful since…we found out and I'm not being appreciative. How about we talk to the funeral people together? I could use the support." He lit up like a kid on Christmas as he walked over and helped me from my knees.

"I think that would be good." I tried to smile a little before going into the bathroom.

A couple hours later I was freaking out, yet again. The funeral guy was an emotionless putz of a man who kept requiring me to answer question after question. Did my parents want to be buried or cremated? Do I already have a plot picked out and if so, at which cemetery? When would I like the calling hours? Which caskets do I want? Donations or flowers? Why type of service was I envisioning? Will I be bringing in my own minister?

James sat next to me and held my hand as I tried to answer the questions as best as I could. As time went on I could feel the numbness come back. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I welcomed the numbness. "Are we done?" I asked after what seemed like a thousand questions.

"Yes, I think that about covers it, except for of course the matter of the bill." Of course, the bill. I couldn't stay there as this asshole put a price on laying to rest the most important people in my entire life. I didn't respond, I just looked at him.

"Babe, why don't you go lay down and I'll finish up here." James knew what I needed him and I had never been more thankful.

"Okay." It was the only word I could force out before walking out of the room and back to my parents' bed. I wrapped their pillows and blankets around me as tight as I possible could.

I don't know how long I laid there as the heavy fog kept me from thinking too much about anything. I knew that James kept coming to check on me but could really care less as I ignored his words and the food he brought. I would have been content to stay there forever, but at one point James was insistent that I wake up again. I just wanted him to leave me alone, but he just fucking wouldn't.

"Isabella, please babe, wake up for me. I need to talk to you about something." I didn't move but managed to open my eyes. He was crouched down on the side of the bed so that his face was eye level with me and he was stroking my hair. "That's my girl. Now, I don't want you to get upset but Mr. Jenks, your parents' lawyer is here. He wants to talk to you about their will, their debts, the house, among other things." I could feel my eyes well up with tears.

"James, I- I just can't. It's too hard."

"I know, babe, I know." He was still stroking my hair.

"Can you do it?" I begged knowing I was just not up to the task. He seemed to think about it momentarily.

"Well, technically I can't unless you give your written permission to act on your behalf. If you want me to, we could arrange it so that I could deal with this legal stuff for you. I'm sure Mr. Jenks would be able to conjure up a limited power of attorney."

"Please, James. I just can't do it and I know nothing about the law. I want you to do it, if you're willing." He smiled at me.

"Whatever you want, babe. I'm glad you're leaning on me a little. I'll go talk to Mr. Jenks." He kissed my forehead and went back to the waiting lawyer. I allowed the fog to take over.

o~o~O~o~o

I awoke with a start and realized from the darkness that it was nighttime. Which night, I'm not quite sure. I was alone and I felt deathly afraid. I needed someone. I needed James.

I jumped off the bed and headed down the hall to the only room that he could possible be in: my childhood bedroom. I pushed open the door and saw that he was sleeping soundly in my double bed. All I could feel was the fear of being alone and I didn't hesitate as I made my way to the bed and slipped underneath the covers. James woke up with the movement and looked a little surprised that I was there.

"Isabella, are you okay? What's wrong?" He started to sit up and I quickly put my arms around him so that he wouldn't.

"I woke up and I was alone. I was scared."

"Shhh, Isabella. It's okay, babe. I got you." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me so that we were close. He kissed my forehead and it stirred something in me.

I wanted to feel. Something. Anything. I wanted to feel loved.

I turned my head and started placing kisses along his neck.

"Isabella…what are you doing?" James started to pull away. "I don't think we should…" I stopped him before he could say the only words I couldn't bear to hear.

"I need you, James. Please, just be with me. I don't want to be alone." I was pleading with him to take me. It was pathetic and for all the wrong reasons, but I didn't care. With a sigh, he finally conceded and made love to me that night. It was sweet, tender and reminiscent of an earlier time when we were happy together. I clung to every touch, every kiss, and every sensation, trying to forget all the hurt and trying to make myself believe things that weren't true. I knew that deep down that any romantic feelings I had had for James were long gone, but that night it didn't matter. It just felt so good to pretend that I was loved, even if it wasn't real.

I woke up to a cold, empty bed and the sounds of James moving around the room. I opened my eyes to see that he was already dressed. "Why are you already up and dressed? The funeral isn't for several hours. Come back to bed."

"I can't. I have a flight to catch." He didn't look at me and his voice was not the same as it had been the past few days. It was cold and unemotional, and way too familiar.

"Flight?" It was all I could get out.

"Yeah, I'm going home." Again, no emotion or eye contact.

"You're going home now? But the funeral is today. I thought..."

"You thought what, Isabella? That I could just leave work indefinitely?"

"No, but I thought you would at least stay for the funeral. I really need you there."

"Well, that's not happening, babe. I got a call. They need me." He wouldn't even look at me as he began shoving things into his suitcase. I realized at that moment that I had been duped again. I couldn't keep my anger at bay.

" _I_ need you. Remember, your wife? Why the hell are you doing this?"

"Excuse me? You will not address me in that tone, Isabella." The icy glare in his eyes was back. I didn't care.

"I deserve an explanation." He ignored me but I could see the muscles in his jaw flexing. He was mad.

"You have three days to get back to Chicago. I expect you there."

"But what about the house?

"It's all taken care of. Go through the house and mail what you want back home. The rest of it will be sold."

"You're selling my parents' house? What gives you the fucking right?" He stalked over to me until he was inches in front of my face and smirked.

"You did, when you signed that power of attorney. I took care of it all, just like you asked me to. It turns out that Renee and Phil didn't have much to speak of, but didn't have any debts and this house has been paid off. It should bring in a decent price."

So this was what the whole act was all about. He wanted to make sure that I didn't have control over my parents' assets. He manipulated me by making me think that he was going to change. And I bought into it hook, line, and sinker. That money would have allowed me a way out, but I screwed up. I began to trust him again. How stupid could I fucking be?

"You are an asshole." I didn't care if he hit me. I needed to get it out. He was pissed, but somehow controlled himself. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Three days, Isabella. If you're not there, I _will_ come get you. You don't want that, trust me." He let go of my chin by giving it a shove. Without another word he grabbed his suitcase off the bed and walked out the door.

I sat and trembled for what seemed like an infinite amount of time. He knew what he was doing this entire time and I played completely into his hand. I begged him to take care of the legal issues for me. I begged him to have sex with me. Now I have no money, no dignity, and once again, no life. My parents' final act would have been providing me with enough money to get out of this life with James and start a new one. Instead, because of my own fucking stupidity, I had nothing. I had to go back. There was no other choice.

But before I did, I had to bury my parents and whatever hope I had left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	4. Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

" _Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and_ error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."  
-Bruce Barton

** Chapter 4 **

** Clarity **

** BPOV **

The service was beautiful…at least I think it was. There's a lot of it I don't remember.

After James left, I felt myself starting to crumble. I was starting to break under the weight of the fear and panic that welled up inside of me. Why would he do this? Why would he leave me and threaten me in my biggest hour of need? How could he pretend to care about me when in reality he could care less about me? How could he be so cruel and heartless?

_ Because that's who James is. You knew that. _

Motherfucker, I did know that. I shouldn't be surprised by this, by any of this. Calming down, I sat on the bed and started thinking about what had happened the last few days. When I found out about my parents, we were fighting about him cheating on me. He was three seconds away from hitting me for something ridiculously mundane. I would have given anything at that moment to get away from him, but when that phone rang, everything changed. With my parents gone, James was the only person I had left. Without him, I would be alone and in my warped sense of reality that was a hell of a lot worse than what I was living with on a day to day basis.

So I gave into the fear. I allowed him to take care of me, to comfort me, and to convince me that he wanted to change. I knew I didn't love him anymore and I wasn't even sure I could ever forgive him for all the crap that he had done, but the thought of being alone scared the ever-loving shit out of me. Call me a coward, weak, pathetic, but that fear was very real even if it was irrational. Forgetting James' offenses and learning to be content with our life together was something I thought I could live with, especially if he indeed changed.

It was hard at first letting him get close to me, but I would be lying if I said I didn't start to believe his sincerity. He was so loving, so attentive. It was like the last two years never existed and he was still the James that I fell in love with. It felt good to feel loved again. I hadn't felt that way in so long.

_ I should have known all along what he was up to.  _

James must have known that there was a chance I would inherit at least the house and maybe some money. It was common knowledge that my parents were not extremely wealthy, but they were comfortable. I had actually been surprised to find that the house was really all they had, but hey, I hadn't been here in two years. How would I know anything about their financial situation? I wasn't even sure where or if my mother had been working recently. It saddened me to think that I knew nothing about their lives now. Unknowingly I had sealed that fate the minute I moved to Chicago. It was a regret I would have to live with for the rest of my life.

Money was a large reason I felt I could never leave James and he knew it. He controlled all of our finances, even my meager paycheck from the library. I never saw any of it unless it was given to me for a specific reason and even then it was in monitored amounts. Financial freedom would have given me the chance at physical freedom and James couldn't let that happen. He needed to keep any inheritance I would receive out of my reach. So he killed me with kindness, admitted his wrongs, and promised a future of change. His whole act was to keep his control over me. And now, because of my incredible stupidity, he had succeeded.

_ Way to single-handedly screw yourself, Bennett. _

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. The panic attack that came on after James had left had given away to the fog and once again I felt numb. It allowed me to go through the motions of getting appropriately dressed and calling a cab to take me to the funeral home. The fog, however, was quickly replaced by anxiety when the funeral director asked about James and I had to tell him he wasn't coming. The look he gave me was confusion at first and then extreme pity when he put two and two together. Having no other family but myself, it was up to me to stand and do this alone. I was left overwhelmed and agitated before a single person walked in the door.

I tried to graciously accept the condolences of people who knew my parents, but I couldn't help myself from having irrational thoughts about all of them. I constantly tried to gauge what people were thinking about me, especially those I remember from my childhood. Some asked about my life in Chicago and questioned the whereabouts of my husband. When I explained that he just made partner and had to work I saw a hybrid of reaction ranging from sympathetic to judgmental. I could see the accusing looks in their eyes, knowing that they were thinking what a horrible daughter I was. I wanted to stand up to them and scream that they were wrong, but that would be a lie. I couldn't defend myself. I had been a horrible daughter.

For the guests I didn't know, I couldn't contain the immense jealousy that boiled inside of me as they explained who they were and how they knew my parents. These people, like my dad's varsity baseball team, knew and interacted with my parents in a way that I hadn't been able to in years. When I left, they took my place in my parents' lives. They conversed with them, learned from them, laughed with them, and benefitted from their love. Seeing them distraught over _my_ parents' death made my skin crawl. _I_ was their daughter and _I_ should have been the object of their affection and attention. Not them.

_ Don't blame them, Isabella. It's your fault. You should have been here. _

I was fidgety during the service and found a spot on the floor that seemed fascinating at the time. I barely listened as the minister droned on an on about how tragic it was to lose two young people in the prime of their lives yada, yada, yada. But when he had the nerve to say that we may not understand it but it was all part of God's plan, my eyes snapped up to his. My gaze must have conveyed the anger I felt because his words faltered slightly before breaking eye contact. How dare him. He didn't know my parents personally and it infuriated me that he was trying to justify the senseless death of two wonderful people by saying it was what God wanted. If he was right and this really was all 'God's Plan', then I wanted to take that plan and shove it right up his ass. The minister's, that is. And maybe God's too; he was definitely hovering on the top of my shit list.

When I finally got back to the house I was exhausted in every sense of the word. The cemetery had been the worst. Seeing them lowered into the ground finality gushed over my like a tidal wave.

It was real.

They were gone.

Forever.

Because nothing had been planned, some of my parents friends decided to go to a restaurant to share some stories about Renee and Phil and just be together. They invited me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't really know these people and after today I would never see them again. All I wanted to do was go to the one place I felt close to them and that was home, but once inside, I found that the emptiness in that house was absolutely crushing. I desperately needed a sense of peace, but it never came. That house would no longer provide any comfort for me. It wasn't my childhood home anymore. Phil and Renee had made it home. They had breathed life into that house and without them, it was nothing more than just a house. I had been upset when James had said that it was going to be sold, but now I could have cared less. I went to their bedroom and climbed into their bed without even taking off my clothes and curled their comforter around me. I had never felt so alone.

The next morning I woke up feeling less rested that I had been the night before. Nightmares plagued my dreams making sleep intermittent. I lay awake as the sun finally filtered into the room indicating that it was indeed morning. I needed to get up. I had a lot to do before I left the next day.

James had told me I had three days. He had already arranged the flight and I was expected to be on it. When he warned that he would come get me, I believed wholeheartedly that he meant every word. I also knew that my punishment would be severe at best if I weren't on that flight. I just didn't understand why he felt he needed to threaten me. James had left me a nonrefundable ticket to Chicago and one hundred dollars cash. That's it. I didn't have a credit card or an ATM card. Hell, I didn't even have a checkbook. I had access to none of it and now it looked like I would never see any of the money from the sale of my parents' house either. He made sure of that. So I ask, what the fuck did he think I was going to do? I may have been fooled by his act, but that didn't mean I was completely stupid. I wasn't going to get far with a hundred bucks in my pocket and he knew it. I would be on that plane. He knew that too.

I spent the day going through my parents' things. I didn't have the time to give each item the attention it deserved, but I also couldn't risk leaving anything behind that I might want later just because I didn't have time to really think about it. I decided to pack everything that had the slightest bit of importance, sentimental or otherwise, and wait to examine it more closely when I got back to Chicago. There was no need to make any difficult decisions now. James had told me to pack up what I wanted and leave the rest. He was not going to be happy with the amount of boxes I felt I wanted, but screw him. This was all I had left of my parents and I wasn't about to let him tell me what I could and could not keep.

_ So now you're sticking up for yourself? Talk about a day late and dollar short. _

I was starting to feel like the end was in sight somewhere around mid-afternoon. I had successfully packed up eighteen wine boxes that I had found in the basement. Apparently, my parents like their liquor…a lot. I filled them with various things ranging from jewelry, pictures, letters, legal papers, personal items, knick knacks, and God knows what else. I really didn't have time to look through it all, but if it looked like something that might help me hang on to them, I packed it.

I was just taping up a box packed with photo albums when I heard the doorbell ring. It startled me so much I just about jumped out of my skin. I did not feel like being social at all, but was curious as to who could be at the door. Glancing out the window I saw a police car in the driveway and immediately felt the dread flood my body. I had no idea what they would have wanted, but I suspected that whatever it was it couldn't be good. Slowly unlocking the door, I opened it to see a rather attractive police officer about my age with a box in his hands.

"Mrs. Bennett?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm her."

"Um, my name is Officer Smith. We talked on the phone the night your parents…um, perished. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"I remember. Please, come in, Officer." He looked sorrowful as he looked at me. This was really hard on him and I felt so bad.

"I'm sorry, I really don't have time right now, but I wanted stop by and give you this. The investigation on the accident has been finished and I have the personal items that have been retrieved from the car. I thought you might want them." I looked at the box without moving. Inside were the last things my parents looked at and touched. I couldn't help the tears that began to fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bennett. I didn't mean to make you cry." This guy was really very sweet and I felt bad for subjecting him to my sorrow. I reached up to wipe the tears away as I willed myself to stop.

"No, it's okay. It doesn't take much these days." I tried to give a small smile as I took the box off his hands.

"If it's any consolation, I was first on the scene that night. They died instantly and they didn't suffer at all." As much as I wouldn't have thought that nothing would make me feel better, I found his words to be very comforting. It gave me a sense of relief knowing that they didn't feel any pain.

"Thank you, Officer Smith, for that information. It does give me some comfort."

"Goodnight, Ma'am." I returned the sentiment as I closed the door on his retreating form. I walked over to the kitchen table and put the box in the center of it. I just looked at it for a few minutes before deciding that I was being ridiculous.

_ Here goes nothing. _

The items on top of the box were your everyday car things: a travel mug, a couple of road maps, an umbrella, the normal stuff. However, at the bottom of the box was a smaller one, probably a little bigger than a shirt box, wrapped up in brown paper. It was beat up a little, showing that it had not made it out of the accident completely unscathed. It was a package that had yet to be mailed…to me.

I felt the color drain from my face as I stared at the package in my hands. It had my name on it, but the address was not my home in Chicago. It was addressed to the library where I work.

_ What in the world would they be sending to me at work? _

I sat there with the box in my hands for what seemed like an eternity. My parents hadn't mailed anything to me ever because I never gave them my address. I was worried that they would send me something that James didn't want me to have or even worse, show up on my doorstep. But they knew where I worked. That was one topic that I enjoyed talking to my mother about because it was the one area of my life that made me feel normal. It was also something I didn't have to lie about.

Finally I decided just to open it. Obviously it must have been pretty important if my mother felt the need to send it to my work address. My hands shook as I tore away the paper and unsealed the top. Inside, it looked like there was a bunch of paper work, but on top there was an envelope that was clearly marked 'Isabella' in my mother's elegant script. I picked up the envelope and took out the letter inside. I tried to stop the tears that were threatening to spill but just couldn't because in my hand I had a letter that my mother had written to me just before she died. I didn't know what the letter had to say, but I knew that I would cherish every word because it would be the last thing I would ever hear from her.

With a deep breath, I unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.

_ Dear Isabella, _

_ My beautiful daughter. I'm writing to you because I feel like I have no other choice. For two years I have had the feeling that James has been very controlling and has not let you lead the life I know you had dreamed for yourself. I wanted to think that despite that, you were happy with him and for the most part, he treated you right. I have been a fool, Isabella. I have heard the evilness myself in his words and I know that you are not safe with him. I also know that you, my smart girl, know it too. All this time you refused to accept our help in bringing you home because you knew none of us would be safe if you did. You were protecting us at the expense of your happiness and safety. My job as a mother is to protect you and I should have found a way to keep you safe from him. I am so sorry for failing you. _

_ Your father and I have decided that you can no longer be with him. Believe me, Isabella, he is not good for you and for every second you stay with him, you are in danger. Bringing you back to Florida is not the answer as he will find you here. You need a new start, a new life, another chance.  _

_ Your biological father, Charlie Swan, lives in a small town in Forks, Washington. I know, I have never given you any reason to believe that he even existed, but he does. We were young when we married and had you very soon after. I tried, Isabella, I really did. But your father worked all the time and I just felt suffocated. I left him and I took you with me. I broke his heart and to this day, I feel bad for cheating you both out of a a possible relationship. He loved you and even after he gave up on me, he never gave up on you. He called, he sent letters, he begged for me to bring you home, but my fear and immaturity wouldn't allow it. I thought if I went home I would get sucked back into a life that would be the death of me. You were so young at the time I didn't want to confuse you with all of this adult stuff. As time went on and Phil came into our lives, it got harder and harder to tell you the truth. I'm sorry, Isabella, that you had to find out this way, but I'm hoping the secret I kept from you all these years will be your salvation. _

_ Your father and I want you to go to Charlie and tell him who you are. He's a wonderful man and I'm positive he would be more than thrilled to have a chance to get to know you. It's far away and you could start completely over without James ever knowing where you are. The contents of this box will help you get away and conceal your identity. Please use them, Isabella. Get away from him. Don't ever give up on the life you deserve. _

_ I know you are probably hurt, angry, and confused from what I have just told you. I promise that once you are truly free from that man and it is safe to contact each other, I will answer every single question you have. But please don't let what you're feeling right now get in the way of you need to do. You, Isabella, are going to do great things, I just know it. Just promise me that you will never, ever give up.  _

_ We love you always, _

_ Mom and Dad _

At some point I had stopped breathing. My eyes rescanned the letter as certain words jumped off the page.

' _Don't ever give up on the life you deserve.'_

' _You, Isabella, are going to do great things, I just know it. Just promise me that you will never, ever give up.'_

My mother had said almost those exact words in my dream. What. The. Hell?

I looked at the rest of the things in the box. I had everything I needed to disappear: Three prepaid credit cards worth a thousand dollars each, a new cell phone with enough minutes to keep me going for a year, a bank book revealing an account with a balance of ten thousand dollars, a check book and an ATM card for that account, a drivers license, a social security card, a birth certificate, and a piece of paper with Charlie's address. Everything they had given me was in the name of a 'Bella Swan'. They had thought of everything. There was even an envelope with a thousand dollars cash inside. I can't imagine what it cost to get these types of documents. I now understood why my parents had so little money to their name. They had risked it all for this one last ditch effort to save me knowing that a thousand things could go wrong and it would all be for nothing. Yet, they still did it…because they wanted to save me.

Oh my God, this was just too much. I read and reread the letter. They feared for my safety. They wanted me to disappear and start over. I have a biological father who wanted to be a part of my life. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that information? I had just assumed that my biological father was a deadbeat dad and yet all that time, he was a good guy that tried but was no match for Renee. I started to get pissed at my mother for keeping this from me all these years but then the guilt for feeling that anger washed over me and made me feel like even more of a horrible daughter than I already knew I was.

I couldn't stop reading the letter over and over, especially the part about my Charlie. I don't remember him at all. I don't remember asking my mother about him either. Phil was so great it was very easy to just accept him as my father. I obviously didn't feel the need to know about my real one. But the fact that he was devastated when we left made me feel awful for never giving him a thought. He had tried. Renee said so herself; he called, he sent letters.

_ He sent letters! _

I rushed over to the boxes I had packed and looked them over until I found the one labeled 'papers'. I had put stacks of letters in there figuring I would read them when I got back to Chicago. I ripped the tape off the box and anxiously reached in to pull everything out. I finally got to a stack of opened letters held together by a rubber band. Looking at the front envelope, I saw that they were addressed to Renee Swan. And holy shit, the return address indicated that they were sent from a C. Swan in Forks, Washington.

I hesitated a second wondering if this was a violation of privacy, but the need to know quickly dispelled those thoughts. I spent the next few hours reading every single letter Charlie Swan had sent to my mother. Each one was more heartbreaking than the next as Charlie's desperation and despair became more and more intense. He missed me. He wanted to see me. He loved me. He begged to be a part of my life. He even enclosed a picture in one for me to have. I choked back tears as I could see myself in his face, especially in the eyes. We had the same eyes.

My heart started to race as I began to see red. How could my mother do this to me? To him? She must have had her reasons and I would have been willing to listen to every fucking one objectively, but she's gone. I will never know why she really decided to keep me from my father who obviously wanted me in his life. I wanted to yell at her and ask her why. I wanted to be furious with her. I wanted her to be here so I could confront her and get the answers I fucking deserved.

I collapsed to the floor as my anger subsided and the guilt once again replaced it. "I'm sorry I'm angry, Mom. I'm sorry. But why didn't you tell me?" I waited for an answer that I knew I would never get. In the silence, I pulled myself from the floor and walked over to the table. I started looking through all of the scattered items. My eyes jumped to all the different things; the documents, the money, Charlie's letters, and finally my mom's letter.

' _I'm sorry, Isabella, that you had to find out this way, but I'm hoping the secret I kept from you all these years will be your salvation.'_

My salvation. Could Charlie and a new life in Forks be my salvation? I wouldn't be known as Isabella Dwyer Bennett. I would be known as Bella Swan. I could be and do anything I want. James would not be able to find me.

At that moment, clarity hit me like lightening and I knew what I had to do. I was getting the fuck away from my sadistic husband and I was going to accept the help my parents had so carefully planned to do it. I would not deny them this one last wish.

I found myself frantically going through some of the boxes and taking out a couple things that I knew I wanted such as some of my mom's jewelry, my dad's MVP ring from one of his minor league seasons, and a picture of the three of us when I was younger. I also looked to make sure there was no evidence that Charlie existed in any of my mom's paperwork. It was a good thing I did as I had found their divorce agreement among her files.

I spent the entire night combing each box. I didn't tape them back up, but I did close and stack them against a wall. I also went through every room of the house, being careful to put it back together when I was done. I didn't want to tip anyone off that I had been looking for something. By early morning, I had two suitcases packed. One was the one I brought down here that held all of my clothes and personal items. The other held all of my parents' things that I wanted to keep. It had been grueling, but I was leaving knowing that there wasn't anything in the house that could tie me or my mom to Charlie Swan. By the time James realized I wasn't coming home, I would be long gone.

I called a cab and sat down in my father's chair near the front window to wait. I could still smell him on it and I wanted to cry. I missed them so much and even though this house didn't really mean anything to me now, I realized that these were the last few minutes I would ever have here.

"I miss you guys and I love you so much. I'm going to make you proud." I said out loud hoping that somewhere my parents were listening. Movement in the driveway caught my eye and I looked out the window to see that the cab was there. I stood up, grabbed my suitcases, and took one more look around while opening the door.

"I promise."

Closing the door behind me, I headed toward the cab. The driver took my suitcases and put them in the trunk.

"Where to, Ma'am?" he said as he shut the door and started the car. I didn't look back as we pulled away from the house. There was no looking back. Only forward.

"The airport, please."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	5. On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

" _The price for independence is often isolation and solitude."_

_ ~Steve Schmidt _

** Chapter 5 **

** On My Own **

** BPOV **

Bravery or stupidity.

One of those things got me where I am right now. Where am I now? I have absolutely no fucking clue.

I arrived at the airport and quickly purchased a ticket for the first plane that would get me the closest to Forks, which happened to be Seattle. I had been nervous throughout the whole process as I used my prepaid credit card and showed my new driver's license to people at various checkpoints. I was so fearful that card would be denied or someone would see that my license was a fake, but none of that happened. It worked…like a charm.

_ God, what if I was a terrorist? _

Once on the plane, I still couldn't relax. Everyone around me made me nervous, even the stewardess when she offered me something to drink. I knew I was being irrational, but I felt like all eyes were on me and they all knew my secret. I didn't sleep. I didn't watch the movie. I didn't even eat my peanuts. I just annoyed the hell out of the woman next to me with my bouncing knee, frantic eyes, and heavy breathing.

_ So much for blending in. _

We landed around four in the afternoon. I retrieved my suitcases at baggage claim and then headed over to one of the car rental booths to get the most inconspicuous, normal car possible. I did not want to draw any attention to myself at all, especially if I was going to be stalking my biological father. The guy taking care of me was smarmy and trying so hard to put ever single sexual innuendo possible into a conversation about renting a car. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible so I even endured his endless attempt at persuading me into renting a flashy sports car by saying that he was positive a girl like me knew how handle heavy equipment. But the second he grazed my forearm with his thumb indicating that he was really talking about his own heavy equipment and not the car, I immediately tensed up and pulled back my arm. He responded by bringing his hand up to run through his hair but the motion was too familiar and it made me flinch. He wasn't going to hit me, but my reaction was as if he were about to. It pissed me off. Even hundreds of miles away, James still could make me flinch.

_ This shit was stopping…now _ .

I knew two things at that moment. First, I didn't want him touching me, ever. Second, for the first time in a long time I felt like it was my prerogative to feel that way. My body, my rules. Which meant this guy needed to back the fuck off.

Snapping out of my epiphany and narrowing my eyes, I calmly explained to him that _I_ was positive that a _guy_ like him would have plenty of time to handle his own heavy equipment if he lost his job due to a sexual harassment charge.

I got my four-door beige sedan very, very quickly after that. I was pleased with myself feeling like I had just won a battle, not the whole damn war mind you, but even I knew that would take time. I drove away on a high of personal success and feeling pretty confident. That is until I realized I had no idea where I was going. My plan had been to ask the car rental guy for some directions, but obviously that option went out the window as soon as he touched me.

So that brings me to where I am at the moment. In the middle of fucking nowhere. I had stopped at a gas station and bought a map. The woman working the counter gave me some general directions so I knew which way I should be headed, but the farther I got away from Seattle, the more desolate it became. The pouring rain had made driving more than difficult and it didn't help that I hadn't operated a car in over two years. However, it became almost impossible when the sun went down and it was pitch dark.

I. Was. Lost. Not the 'oh I made wrong turn but eventually I'll see something I recognize' lost. I was 'no one will find my decaying body for months' lost. Except for the road there was nothing around except dense forest. I wanted to be brave and independent, but that ship was quickly sailing and panic was setting in. I was way in over my head. I had been driving for almost five hours and hadn't seen any sign of civilization for the last two. I was getting low on gas and hadn't eaten anything since before I got on the plane. Tears starting to form in my eyes as I thought about how I was going to die out here.

"Not the future you were thinking of, huh Mom?" I chuckled as tears started to spill from my eyes.

_ Great, now you're talking to your dead mother while laughing and crying at the same time. Freakin' nut case. _

The absurdity of it all made me laugh even harder and I really thought that I might just be going insane. Thankfully, there was something ahead that quickly distracted me from that line of thinking. I strained my eyes to see what was out there in the distance.

Lights.

_ Holy fucking shit. Lights! _

I stepped on the gas willing it not to be a figment of my imagination. Turns out it wasn't. Luck happened to be on my side…for once. A small motel just appeared out of the middle of nowhere and was calling to me like heroin to an addict. I pulled into the parking lot and saw that it seemed to be old, but it was kept up and the presence of potted flowers even attempted to make it look homey. Grabbing my wallet, I got out of the car and headed over to the front office. It too was outdated, but clean. An older Native American man sat behind the desk watching a small black and white television. When he saw me come in, he turned the set off and smiled as he refocused his attention. He didn't get up and I soon figured out it was because he was in a wheelchair.

"Good evening. Can I help you?" His face was kind and sincere.

"Um, do you have any rooms available?

"We sure do, Ma'am. Single or double?"

"I'd like a single please."

"No problem. That will be $49.99 and I need to see a valid ID." I counted out the money and fished in my wallet for my license when it struck me that there was a possibility this guy might know Charlie. The chances were slim as I wasn't even sure I was still in the state of Washington, but I couldn't take any chances. There was no way I could give him anything that said Swan on it. I also didn't want the name Bennett linked to any transaction either. Digging a little further I found my old driver's license from when I was living in Florida. I had never bothered to get a new one in Chicago because I didn't have a car. Or was allowed to drive. Or had any responsibilities that would require me to have a photo ID.

_ How could I have been so blind all those years? Hindsight really is an evil bitch. _

I handed the money and the license over to the man as he punched some things onto his computer. "Wow, Florida, huh? You're a long way from home."

"You could say that." That was about all I had to say on the subject and thankfully he dropped it.

"Are you passing through or do you think you might need the room for more than a few nights?" What was with the fucking fifty questions? The place was deserted. A hundred people could show up and there would still be rooms available. He didn't seem to be that delusional, which only left one possible option. He was trying to subtly get my story.

_ Not happening, buddy. _

"Um, I'm not quite sure. I think I'll be leaving tomorrow, but there's a chance I'll need another night. Will that be a problem?" I probably sounded curt and annoyed but I hope it gave him the hint that I didn't want to talk about my circumstances for being here, wherever the fuck here is.

"Shouldn't be." I think he sensed my irritation because he went on to explain. "It's just that we have a big wedding in town next weekend and we're already pretty booked. Since you're not sure I'll reserve the room through the weekend for you so that it doesn't get given away."

_ I. Am. Such. An. Ass. _

"I'm sorry, it's just been a long day and I haven't had anything to eat in awhile. I'm a little cranky. I didn't mean to be rude."

"Don't mention it. We all get a little cranky when we're hungry. Heck, if my son doesn't get enough to eat he turns into an absolute animal. Jake gets nasty towards everyone and nothing can appease him except food. We serve five meals a day just for that reason."

"Wow, five meals. That seems excessive." I don't know why but this man's story about his son and his obvious affection towards him made me smile a little. He was a nice man.

"It's just called being proactive." My stomach decided to choose that moment to let out a big growl and both I and the man laughed. "I think you need to get yourself something to eat. Five miles down the road is a diner just when you're coming into town. It's open until midnight and the food is real good.

"Okay, thanks, I think I will."

"You're in room twenty-three. Just drive your car around back and it's on the second floor."

"Thank you so much for everything, uh…" I realized I didn't even know the man's name.

"It's Billy and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." I smiled and turned for the door. "And Miss Dwyer..." he waited until I had opened the door and turned to acknowledge him. "Welcome to Forks." I know the look on my face was probably of fucking priceless. I had been lost for so long and yet I ended up exactly where I wanted to be.

_ Thank you, God! _

"Thanks, again." I said back and started sprinting towards my car. The rain had still not let up. I drove around back like Billy had said and got into my room. Again, a little outdated, but clean. I really wanted to take a shower but looking at the clock I saw that it was close to eleven and I needed food. The shower would have to wait until after the diner.

Just like Billy said, the diner was still open and I was extremely thankful. Now that I knew I wasn't going to die on the side of the road, my hunger decided it should be bumped up to my first priority. I was starting to feel like I was going to pass out. I entered and looked around. It looked like an old fashioned restaurant that you might see in the 1950's. Everything was authentic, everything was perfect. I immediately fell in love with it.

The only other customers were a couple that was sitting on the same side of a booth in a corner. They were so engrossed in each other and didn't even notice that I entered. I sat in a booth away from them and quickly an older woman with pulled back caramel colored hair and a pink apron approached the table with a steaming pot of coffee and a white mug.

"Hi, sweetie. Looks like you could use something warm. Coffee?" She was my new favorite person on the planet. I was soaked from all the rain and felt the cold all the way to my bones. I nodded as she filled the cup. The smell was enough to begin thawing out my insides. "Are you interested in food, Hun?"

"Yes, please. I haven't eaten in ages. Do you have a menu or something?"

"Well, if you haven't eaten in that long, why don't you just tell me what you're in the mood for and I'll make sure we get it for you." I wasn't sure why she was being so nice to me, but her kindness reminded me of my mother. I swallowed the lump that began to form in my throat.

_ Not now, Isabella. _

"Could you make a cheeseburger and fries?" I had been craving a cheeseburger since Billy had mentioned it and I was pretty sure it was a common menu item for a diner.

"One cheeseburger and fries coming right up. You just relax. By the way, my name is Esme and if you want anything else just holler. Okay?" Her smile was so warm and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay, thanks." I watched as she made her way back to the kitchen. I didn't really want to think about what I was going to do now that I was in Forks, so I began reading the book I had taken from my room in Florida before I left. _Wuthering_ _Heights_ had been one of my favorites and I couldn't bear to leave it behind.

I had read about ten pages when the door flew open and a group of five or six guys bounded in. They were big, they were loud, and from the sounds of it, they were drunk: a combination that gave me the shivers. I sunk further into my booth and buried my face in the book as far as it would go. I prayed that they wouldn't notice me. This was such a bad idea.

They made themselves comfortable in a booth on the other side of the diner which made me relax just a little, but I still wouldn't look at them. They were laughing at some of their antics from earlier in the night and I thought I was in the clear.

Between my hair shielding my face around me and my nose being so far in the book, I hadn't realized that someone had approached me until I felt the table shake and heard a thud when one of the men plopped into the bench across from me. It made me practically jump right out of my skin.

"Why hello there, lovely lady. My friendshs and I shaw that you were s-s-s-itting here all by yurself. We were wondering if you'd like to joing ushhh." Oh, good grief. He was plastered. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

_ Stand up for yourself just like you did with asshole car guy. Your body, your rules. Remember? You can do it. They can't hurt you. _

My inner voice was right. I would just politely decline and if he insisted, I would bring out bitchy Bella.

_ Bitchy Bella: sort of has a nice ring to it.. _

I brought the book down so that I could explain to Mr. Smashed Faced that I wasn't interested in his proposal. "I'm sorry but…." I stopped short when my eyes met a blondish haired, blue eyed reincarnate of James. Well, maybe he didn't look exactly like James, but close enough. I panicked. I was wrong, I couldn't do this. I stared at him with a horrified look on my face but he was so far gone he couldn't take the hint. He just kept looking at me with a goofy grin, waiting for me to continue. I couldn't do anything. I was frozen and clutching my book in a death grip. Before I knew it, another one of the brew crew was standing at the table. My breathing picked up and I was bordering on hyperventilating.

"Okay there, Mike. Let's leave the lady alone." I looked up to see another pair of piercing eyes staring at me except they were the most magnificent shade of green. His hair was a coppery color and sat in a wild, beautiful mess on top of his head. He had his hand on the other guy's shoulder but addressed me. "Sorry for this. He's getting married next week and tonight was his bachelor party. We're ending the night here for coffee. A lot of coffee." I still couldn't move or speak.

"Ah, c'mon Edward. We were just gettin to knoweashother. Isn'that right, beuful?" And then he reached over and placed his hand over mine. My eyes immediately darted to the sweaty palm that was invading my personal space.

_ Fuck that. _

I yanked my arm back and grabbed my stuff. Pushing past the other guy I bolted out the door and ran for the car. Once inside with the doors locked, I melted. What was wrong with me? They hadn't done anything completely out of line and the one guy was even trying to be nice. Would I always be this scared? I rested my head on the steering wheel and wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to calm down. It was somewhat working too, until I heard knocking on my window.

"Ohmygod!" I jumped in my seat and screamed. The green-eyed guy took a step back and put his hands in the air in a defensive stance. He had a white grocery bag in one of them.

"You left without your food. They packed it up. I was just trying to catch you." He spoke a little loudly so that I could hear him through the window. I wanted to just start the car and drive away, but he did have my food and I was about two steps away from eating my own arm. Slowly I unrolled the window just enough so he could pass the bag through.

"Hey, are you okay? I'm really sorry about that in there. Mike, he's drunk but totally harmless."

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Let me get you some money." I opened my wallet and pulled out a twenty.

"No, it's on me. I at least owe you that." My stomach started to turn. If he paid for my dinner because of something stupid his friend did, I would feel like it was really _I_ who owed _him_. I did not want be in anybody's debt, not now, not ever. I turned the car on before tossing the twenty out the window.

"Thanks, but not necessary." I closed the window as his face dropped and a mix of shock and hurt replaced the smile that had been there a minute before. I hadn't meant to offend him, but that kind of interaction was just dangerous. I had been so dependent on James for so long and look where it got me. I was never going to let myself become too reliant on anyone else ever again, not even for a stupid hamburger and fries. I was in charge of my own life now and I would be responsible for it too.

When I got back to the motel and had locked myself in my room, I didn't even take my jacket off before diving into my food. It was a little on the cold side, but it was the most delicious cheeseburger and fries I had ever eaten in my entire life. I devoured the whole container of food in record time and then proceeded to get the things I needed out of my suitcase to take a shower. The warm water felt glorious as it eased the ache in my muscles caused by the plane ride, the car ride, and all the stress I had been feeling. I thought about the days events. Yesterday I buried my parents. Last night, I found out my biological father was alive and had never wanted to let me go. This morning, I had made my escape. It had all happened so fast and yet at the same time it seemed like a life time ago.

From what I had seen of this town so far, it seemed like a place I could make a life for myself. Billy and Esme had been so kind. If everyone was like them, I'd have no problems. The whole Mike thing I could have done without, but now that I was away from the situation I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me, he was just enjoying his bachelor party. He was harmless. Even his friend, Edward I think it was, had said that.

Edward. Now I'd be lying if I didn't admit that he intrigued me a little. No question, he was attractive, gorgeous even. Plus he had been quite nice to me, a couple of times. He tried to save me from Mike's drunken ass, he brought me my food, and he wanted to pay for it. In the beginning, James had done nice things like that for me too, but it always seemed like he was just doing it to prove that he was a good guy. On the other hand, it didn't appear that Edward was forcing himself to be nice. It seemed like it was just part of his personality. At least it did for the forty-five seconds I interacted with him.

Well, it didn't matter anyway because I was not looking for any type of companionship. I also had bigger things to worry about. Tomorrow I was going to find Charlie. The thought excited and terrified me at the same time. What if I couldn't find him? What if I did and he really didn't want to have anything to do with me? What if he turned out to be a complete asshole? What if he didn't live here anymore? What if he didn't think the way I left was right and he contacted James and informed him of my whereabouts?

_ Stop! Don't do this to yourself. Mom wouldn't have told you to go to him if she wasn't sure it would work out. _

My thoughts were getting out of hand and I forced myself to stop them immediately. I just needed to take this one step at a time. I had gotten this far, right?

_ Don't ever give up on the life you deserve. _

My mom's words soothed me and helped me forget about the what ifs. I got under the covers and took a deep breath to relax. A vision of Charlie and I embracing in a hug lingered in my mind as I drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow would be another full day in beginning my new life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. The Slice of Apple Pie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

" _To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there."_

_ ~Kofi Annan _

** Chapter 6 **

** The Slice of Apple Pie **

** BPOV **

I woke up the next morning feeling only slightly better than I did the night before. Sleep eluded me as I tossed and turned with a thousand thoughts rattling through my head. It was technically my first night away from anything that I knew and I couldn't figure out how I felt about it. I wanted to feel relieved, safe, happy, and free, but those were words to describe someone who wasn't running from an abusive and controlling husband or the despair from losing their parents to a horrible accident. Instead I felt nervous and jumpy. I wanted to look forward to the future, but found it difficult to do while the past was still looming behind me. Would I ever be able to let my guard down or was I doomed to a life of feeling the constant need to look over my shoulder and anticipate the worst? I had no idea and it didn't sit with me well at all.

My stomach growled letting me know that the cheeseburger and fries were gone and I was once again empty. I sighed when realizing that my only option was to go back to the diner. I was a little nervous about revisiting the place where I made my little scene, but I also knew the chances of running into any of the people I saw last night were extremely slim. Drunken people slept in, right? Besides, it was worth the risk. I was fucking hungry.

Without dwelling on it, I showered, dressed, and headed out the door. The diner was a little fuller than it had been last night. Obviously this was a hot place for people to get coffee and breakfast on their way to work. Or maybe the only place. It was quite possible.

I walked in to see that Esme was working yet again this morning. I internally cringed when I saw the look of recognition flash across her face. I tried to hide my embarrassment but my cheeks grew warm and I could only imagine I was as red as a watermelon.

"Hi, sweetie. I was hoping you would come back." Her expression was one of utmost sincerity and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hi, Esme. I'm…I'm sorry for running out of here last night. I guess I kind of freaked." I looked at the ground because I wasn't sure how she was going to react.

"No worries, honey. Why don't you find a seat and I'll bring you a cup of coffee." She was off waiting on other customers before I could respond. The booth I sat in the night before was free so I went over and sat myself down. I quickly surveyed the room for any sign of the drunken musketeers and was satisfied when I didn't see any. I relaxed a little and picked up the menu that was already set on the table. Everything looked so good I forgot my surroundings and didn't notice when Esme approached me. Her arm holding the coffee pot caught in my peripheral vision and I jumped at being startled.

"You okay, hun? You look like you've seen a ghost. I didn't mean to scare you." She continued to poor the coffee while she spoke.

"No, it's not you. It's me. I guess I'm just a bit tense." I looked up at her and she nodded. Now, there is no way she could have known what I had been through, but the look of understanding bordered on freakishly psychic. Her eyes held a level of comprehension that made me think she could relate to my situation.

_ Impossible.  _

"Have you thought about what you want?" I don't know if it was her expression or the way she asked the question, but somehow I didn't think she was asking me about breakfast.

_ What did I want? What did I really want? _

It had been a very long time since someone asked me what I wanted. Now that the question was out there, the floodgates opened and flashes of things I craved for myself assaulted my brain like rapid fire. I could see myself and the things I wanted to own, doing the things that I wanted to do, enjoying the things that made me happy.

I wanted to be an independent woman. I wanted to spend my own money, occasionally on something frivolous. I wanted friends I could laugh and cry with. I wanted to live in a house where I could have a garden. I wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument. I wanted a family I could call my own. I wanted a career in teaching. I wanted to travel to another country. I wanted to own a dog. I wanted to make my own choices and learn from my own mistakes. I wanted to live without the fear of being hit. I wanted to love…and be loved.

_ Am I asking for too much? _

"Sweetie, you there?" Esme's voice brought me back to the present and I realized that I needed to give her an answer.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'll have the ham and cheese omelet please."

"Excellent choice, dear. I'll put the right in for you." Esme patted my arm before walking towards the kitchen. I read my book while I waited for my food to try and distract me from the overwhelming hunger that was gnawing at my stomach. When it arrived, I practically inhaled it which earned a hearty chuckle from Esme.

"I guess you liked it." She said as she started to clear my plate.

"That was absolutely delicious." Esme smiled.

"Can I get you anything else?" I started battling with myself over something I had seen the night before but never had the chance to try. Isabella, the girl that always did what she was told and never took any chances out of fear said that it was way to early in the day for pie. However, Bella, the girl who wanted to make her own choices and was given a second chance to do so said 'fuck it.'

Bella won out. I was having pie at eight thirty in the morning.

"Do you have any of the apple pie from last night left?"

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I just gave the last piece away. But I do have banana crème, pecan, and peach cobbler. Can I interest you in one of those?" I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face. At this point, it really wasn't about the pie. Of course one of the first times I make a decision that only involved what I wanted, I pick something impossible. It reminded me that a lot of times there are going to be things that are out of my control and I'm going to have to just deal with it.

_ It's just fucking pie. Just order a different kind and move on. _

"Sure, I'll have a piece of the peach cobbler." I smiled to let Esme know I was fine before she left to get me my morning dessert. Once again I became engrossed in my book and once again I jumped when someone approached the table. This time the offender sat down across from me in the booth. After my heart went back into a normal rhythm and I regained my composure, I narrowed my eyes at the green-eyed, messy haired man who was smiling at me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Good morning to you too, Miss Grouchy McPouty Face. Did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Geez. Was this guy for real?

"Um, I don't ever remember inviting you to sit, so feel free to save yourself from my grumpy ass. Make like a tree and leave." He smiled but made no attempt to get up.

"Are you always this irritable?"

"That depends. Are you always this irritating?"

"If I were you I wouldn't insult me considering I have the very last piece of apple pie." That got my attention. I looked at the table to see that there was indeed a very large, very delicious looking slice of home baked apple pie sitting on top. I wanted that fucking pie. Not only was it all sorts of delectable looking, it was a symbol of my quest to make my own decisions and do whatever the hell I wanted to do without someone telling me I couldn't. I knew it was fucking ridiculous, but to me in some twisted way it represented my newfound independence.

Keeping my eyes on the pie, I said the only thing that came to mind. "Esme said it was all gone."

"It is. This is the very last piece and I ordered it first. Esme told me how disappointed you were that you weren't going to be able to try it so I thought I'd be the nice guy and come over here and share." I didn't say anything so he continued. "I'll make you a deal. I'll give you this incredibly awesome piece of pie if you tell me your name." The plate made a scraping noise as he slid it across the table so that it was in front of me. I looked down at it and then back up to his hopeful eyes.

Years of being treated like utter shit made me blind to the kindness behind his gesture. I could only see the manipulation. Suddenly the meaning of the pie changed. He was using it to get me to do something I didn't want to do. And I wasn't fucking having it.

"I don't make deals, especially with strange men I don't know anything about." I started to gather my stuff so I could pay my bill and leave but I instantly froze as he grabbed my wrist. I looked down to where his hand was gripped and then slowly up to his face. My expression was one of complete horror and he could tell he made a mistake. He released me instantly and then held his hands up defensively, for the second time in as many days. I _almost_ felt bad about how rude I was acting, but he touched me and that was just unacceptable.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to tell me your name. You can have the pie. I just thought, well, that since you were new in town that maybe you could use, um, a friend or something. Please don't leave. If you do Esme will know that I didn't just give you the pie like she told me to and she'll kick my ass. And I do mean literally kick my ass. Please, sit, eat the pie. You don't have to say a word." I looked at the door and back down at his pleading face.

_ God, he really is cute when he's rambling. Wait, what are you thinking? Stop that! _

After a country minute of contemplating, I figured it wouldn't hurt to just eat the pie and enjoy it. Esme wanted me to try it and she had been so nice to me. And really, Edward was just trying to be friendly, I guess. It wouldn't kill me to stay and eat the pie.

_ Good Lord, just eat the fucking pie and shut up, Swan. Stop overanalyzing the shit out of this! _

I sat back down with a huff and picked up the fork. I reminded myself that it was still my choice. I was going to eat the pie, for a lot of reasons including the fact that it looked so good. My teeth sunk into the first bite and I realized that it not only looked good, it was probably the best apple pie I had ever had. I think I even moaned a little.

"It's good, huh?" I just took another bite and continued eating the little slice of heaven. When it was obvious that I was going to take Edward up on the no talking, he decided that he would more than make up for it. "Well, since you aren't really into the sharing mood, let me tell you a little about myself." I raised my eyebrows at him but it didn't deter him whatsoever. "My name is Edward Anthony Cullen and I've lived in Forks all my life. My father is a physician and owns his own family practice next door. I also went to medical school and currently I'm completing my residency at ForksHospital. Once I'm finished I plan on joining my father's practice. I have an older brother who is bigger than you and I put together and a younger sister who acts like she is on speed but is really only high on life. My mother owns this diner and makes the best apple pie in the world, which you now know for yourself. I can play the guitar but my musical instrument of choice is the piano. I like the color blue, my favorite food is eggplant parmesan, and I hate it when people let their teeth scrap against their fork. I also drive a Volvo. I think that about sums it up." Once he was done, he folded his arms on the table. He looked proud at what he had just done and I was pretty sure he was puffing his chest out a little.

"What the hell was that?"

"What?" He gave me this innocent face

"The life story."

"I wanted to get out of the 'strange men you don't know anything about' category." His answer totally through me for a loop and I started to do something that I hadn't done in a real long time. I laughed. Out loud. And it felt good. "Well am I, you know, out of that category now?" I laughed even louder.

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, don't you think cowboy? I mean, it sounded like a single's ad…" He cut me off.

"Which I am by the way…single I mean. In case you find that relevant."

"You're too much." I said as I scraped the last bit of pie into my mouth. I wiped my face on my napkin and put it on the plate. Take away all the symbolism behind the pie and it was just deliciously good motherfucking pie.

It had been so long since I heard the sound of my own laughter I hardly even recognized it. It felt good and as much as I hated to admit it, Edward Cullen was…nice. I was enjoying his company so much that I didn't notice the man walking it the diner until he sat at the counter and Esme spoke to him. His back was to me and I couldn't see his face, but something about him piqued my interest.

"Good morning, Chief. Coffee?"

"You're a God sent, you know that Esme?"

"Well we can't have Forks finest falling asleep on the job, now can we?" Esme said as she poured the steaming hot liquid into a cup in front of her patron. The man brought the cup up to his lips and took a sip.

"That's good stuff, Esme. Thank you."

"Anytime, Chief Swan." The words fell from her lips and rang in my ears. The man sitting at the counter, not twenty feet away from me, was my father. It was Charlie Swan.

I felt like all the air was sucked out of me as it all sunk in. I was in the same room with my father. All I had to do was cross the room and talk to him. But I couldn't. I was frozen. I wasn't ready for this and I was certainly not able to tell him about James. He was not just a police officer; he was the mother fucking chief of police. I had in my possession falsified documents and identification. I had a fake alias. I was running away from my marriage. I was breaking the law. How could I approach him now?

I was starting to panic hardcore. This was not how it was supposed to go. Edward must have sensed my distress. "Hey, are you still with me?" I looked at him and then back at my father. He must have disliked my reaction because he reached over and looked like he was about to take my hand. I pulled it back instinctually and wrapped my arms around me.

_ I have to get out of here. _

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" I ignored him as I grabbed my book and ran out the door. All I could think of is getting away. I started running for the car, cursing myself for parking it across the lot in the furthest spot away. I could sense Edward following me and it just made me move faster.

"Wait, stop, you forgot your wallet!" That was the only thing that could have stopped me because that wallet held everything I needed. I looked back to see that Edward was holding up my black wallet. As much as I didn't want to go back I had to. I ran up to him and snatched it out of his hand. I started to run towards my car but he was too fast and grabbed my wrist again. "Please, don't go. You're upset. Whatever it is, I want to help." As much as I wanted to let someone help me, I just couldn't. I wrestled my wrist out of his grasp and started to run again.

In my haste to get away from everything, I tripped over my own two feet and went skidding hands first across the pavement. I could feel the skin ripping from my palms and the bruises forming from the impact on my knees. I gingerly shook my head. I needed to get it together. I didn't have time for this.

"Watch out!" I could here Edward's voice ring out along with some other noise. It sounded like a loud truck, which is what I saw as I looked up. A large black Hummer was quickly approaching me and not slowing down. I managed to get up to my feet but they wouldn't move. The driver must have seen me as the brakes started screeching and the tires skidded on the asphalt. There was no way I was going to be able to get out of the way on time. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the impact. If it was going to hit me, I didn't want to see it.

_ I'm coming to see you, Mom. _

I waited and waited, but didn't feel anything and soon I didn't hear anything either. I figured that it had been quick and I was killed instantly which is why I felt no pain. Slowly I opened my eyes expecting to see the pearly gates, God, my mom, just something that would indicate that I was indeed dead. Instead I found myself looking into the eyes of the most petrified eyes behind the windshield. His hands were gripped around the steering wheel squeezing the life out of it and he was breathing so heavy I thought he was having a heart attack. He just stared at me with the most freaked out, scared shitless expression on his face. He had been able to stop that pile of metal just barely in time. Granted it was about a foot from me, but it stopped. I wasn't dead; at least I didn't think I was. God had a history of messing with me before. Who is to say he wasn't pulling the mother of all pranks now.

_ If I am dead and this is Heaven, I'm fucking coming for you, God. You and I are gonna brawl. I've had enough of this crap. _

"Holy fucking shit! Are you okay?" I was pulled out of my own head by the sound of Edward's voice. He ran over to me in a flash and was delicately assessing my physical state. My whole head felt full and heavy and it prevented me from speaking. All I could do was watch as he checked for broken bones, open wounds, and other injuries. His warm hands left tingles wherever they touched. He was looking at the abrasions on my hands as the driver jumped out of the truck and frantically ran to my side. I involuntarily flinched and moved closer to Edward as this man's massive form approached me. It must have surprised him as much as it surprised me because he stopped doing anything for just a moment before starting in on the giant. "Emmett, what the fuck, man?"

"I swear to God I didn't see her. She just popped out of nowhere. Oh, fuck is she hurt? Shit, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I looked at him but that was all I could do. I still couldn't speak. Edward continued his doctor mode and started asking me some basic questions. It took an enormous amount of effort to turn my attention back to Edward and I still felt dazed and unable to verbalize the answers to his questions or that I was okay. For some reason I hated the concerned look on his face and wanted to make him feel better, but I just couldn't. I couldn't do anything.

The commotion had attracted most of the people from inside and they started pouring out the door. Esme, the other waitresses, some of the customers, they were all there to gawk at me and the scene that was unfolding in the parking lot. I should have been concerned that I was getting all this attention. I didn't want to be noticed, I didn't want to draw suspicion. However, my body was unwilling to respond.

The crowd started to separate a little to let someone get through. Charlie Swan had come rushing out of the diner and started walking over to us as he took in the scene.

_ Duh…Of course the chief of police would want to know what all the fuss was about _ .

My body started to shake. The closer he came the harder I convulsed. This was not the way I wanted to meet my father. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked like the picture I had found except his hair was starting to turn a little gray around the edges and he had lines on his face that time had put there. He was handsome, especially in his uniform, and his eyes…well I felt like I was looking at myself when he met my gaze.

"Hey, it's okay. You're going to be fine." I ignored Edward's soothing words and continued to watch the stoic form getting closer to us. By not responding to his words and continuing to shake, Edward finally gently guided my chin so that I was forced to look at him. "Just try to calm down. You're safe."

"Edward, what happened?" _His voice._ It was the voice of the father I never knew, the one that I hoped would still want me after all these years. It was all too much and I felt myself getting dizzy. My knees buckled and I collapsed into Edward's frame.

"Whoa, steady there." Edward supported me with his arms. I struggled as the darkness began to overtake me. I was fading and it was impossible to stop, no matter how much I fought it. I closed my eyes and said the only thing that I was absolutely positive about.

"I want my mom."

Then there was nothing.

 

 


	7. Meeting My Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: While not too graphic, this story does deal with the issue of domestic abuse.  
> AN: I do not own Twilight.

" _We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break." ~Marquise de Sévigné_

** Chapter 7 **

** Meeting My Father **

** BPOV **

I felt heavy all over, and sore. My hands were on fire and my head hurt something fierce. I was lying down and it was…comfortable. Not like a bed, but not like the hard ground either. I swallowed and it felt like cotton balls going down my throat.

_ What the hell had happened to me? Where was I? _

All I could remember was the desperate feeling of wanting my mother. I wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay?

_ Was everything okay? Was I dead? _

Slowly I began to move and I heard paper crinkling underneath me. Clearly, I wasn't dead. Upon opening my eyes I saw a drop ceiling with recessed lighting that was turned down low. Looking from side to side I could see I was in some type of examining room, maybe a hospital. I tried to sit up to get a better look around but the pain in my head immediately made me dizzy and nauseous.

"Hey, take it easy now. Just relax." My eyes darted to where the voice came from. I thought I had been alone and I panicked as I saw the hulking form of a man sitting in a chair in the far corner of the room. The combination of the dim room and my vision being a little blurry made it difficult to make out his face. He stood up and took a couple of steps towards me.

"I…I…please…don't..." I inched my way close to the far edge of the table. Tears filled my eyes as flashbacks of James moving towards me just like this man was doing ran through my head. The man stopped immediately.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

_ I know that voice.  _

I had only heard it a couple of times, but I recognized it. The familiarity of it acted like a trigger and all of a sudden I remembered everything: the diner, the last piece of apple pie, Edward Cullen, almost getting hit by the Hummer…Charlie Swan. He was the one standing a few feet from me and as I tried to clear the cobwebs from my vision, my eyes confirmed it. He didn't try to come any closer but cleared his throat in preparation to speak.

"I'm the police chief here in Forks. My name is Char…"

"I know who you are." I said quietly without taking my eyes off him. We just stared at each other for a few minutes before blew out a big breath that he didn't even seem to realize he was holding.

"That's good because I think I know who you are too." He swallowed down the emotion beginning to spill out of him. "After all these years…I need to know if you're…" He struggled to get out his thoughts as he looked at me with wide eyes. A ghost, someone he thought he'd never see again, stood before him. It was clear that this was painful for him and I wanted to ease that pain for him.

"I'm…I'm your daughter, Chief Swan. I'm Isabella." As the words left my mouth he took another deep breath and the tears that had been threatening to come out filled his eyes.

"But how….why…does your mother know you're here?" The mention of my mother opened the floodgates of tears and information that I couldn't hold back anymore. The words started falling out of my mouth

"Mom is dead. She and Da…I mean Phil were in a car accident last week. The funeral was two days ago." A myriad of emotions crossed his face. Confusion, shock, anger, pain…they were all there. He was about to say something, probably that he was sorry, but I just couldn't hear that right now. Not if I was to get through the rest of what I had to say. So I cut him off before he had the chance. "All my life she never said a word about you. I didn't know anything about you and just assumed you weren't alive or just a dead beat dad. And then after the funeral I found your letters, the ones you wrote when I was little, and I couldn't believe you were real and wanted me. I don't have anyone anymore and I don't have anywhere to go. You're the only person I have left. I need to know if what you said in those letters is still true. If it's not, I promise I'll leave and I won't bother you again. I just had to take the chance…" I was a sobbing mess by the time I finished my rambling rant.

He stepped forward so that he was closer to me and as much as I wanted to flinch, I resisted. He wasn't going to hurt me. I knew that. He brought his hand up to my head and ran his hand down my hair very lightly, trying to see for himself that I was indeed real. "Shhhhh. Don't cry, Bells." I was taken back a little by the name he used to refer to me, but it must not have shown through the tears that were still streaking down my face. I wanted to ask him about that name, what it meant, but there was a soft knock on the door before I could. Charlie immediately took a step back as an older, yet devastatingly attractive man entered the room. His looks normally would have sent me into a tailspin but the golden blond hair wasn't even close to the right shade and his brilliant blue eyes held nothing but compassion. He looked nothing like James and I felt somewhat at ease with him.

The man I assumed was a doctor looked at me before glancing at Charlie. My emotional state and his close proximity clearly didn't faze the doctor. I had a feeling he and Charlie had a conversation and he knew exactly who I was. As he walked towards me he grabbed the box of tissues on the counter and offered it to me as if my crying was the most natural thing in the world. I felt myself tense up as he got closer. It was irrational but I couldn't help it.

_ Relax. He is not going to hurt you. _

"Charlie." He nodded and gave him a knowing look before turning his attention to me. I forced myself to relax a little. "Miss Dwyer, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. How are you feeling?" He said as he shined a light into my eyes and starting checking me over.

"Please, Dr. Cullen, you can call me Bella." He smiled and I think his face actually sparkled.

"As long as you call me Carlisle. Okay?" I nodded in response. "Great, now that we got that settled, how about you tell me how you are feeling, _Bella_." Another breathtaking smile.

"My head hurts a lot, but other than that I feel fine." Overall I really did feel okay physically. I would have felt a lot worse if I was hit by the Hummer so I guess I had no complaints.

"That's to be expected considering you were out for over an hour. I've bandaged up your hands, but other than that you don't seem to have any other injuries. You should be fine, but I do think you shouldn't be alone tonight." I started shaking my head.

"I'll be okay. I'm staying at the motel…" I was interrupted before I could finish.

"She's going to come home with me. I'll look after her." We both just stared at Charlie as my jaw dropped and Carlisle's faced morphed into a smile. "That is…um…if you want to." Suddenly Charlie was all nervous, which made me nervous as well.

"Oh, well, I don't want to be an inconvenience." I said quietly looking at the floor. Carlisle must have felt the awkwardness of this little family moment and attempted to excuse himself.

"I'm just going to give you two a moment. Take your time and come out when you're ready." Carlisle slipped out of the room without another word. I looked up to see that Charlie was staring right at me.

"Inconvenience? Not a chance, Bells. I know I don't know the whole story as to why you are standing here in front of me and I am eventually going to want to hear it. But right now, it doesn't really matter. Please, stay at the house and we'll figure all this out…together." He looked at me with sincerity and for the first time in since I left Florida I actually felt like things might turn out okay.

"Okay, that sounds good. Thank you." He nodded as I slowly got down off the examining table and took a minute to steady myself. Charlie reached out to help me with my balance before opening the door and holding it for me so I could leave the room.

I stepped out into a waiting room that clearly didn't belong to a hospital. Carlisle was looking over a chart near the receptionist's desk and looked up when the door opened. Charlie went over to shake his hand.

"I'm assuming we're all good." He looked at me with a questioning glance.

"Yes, thank you, Carlisle. I'm going to be staying at Charlie's for…" I didn't finish that thought because I truly didn't know. Was Charlie's invitation for the night, a few days, weeks, I wasn't sure. Fortunately for me, Charlie was.

"For as long as she likes." He tentatively smiled at me before turning his attention towards Carlisle. "Thanks again, Doc."

"Anytime. I'm just glad I'll be able to report that Bella is alive and well. Esme has been so worried. She has texted and called about fifteen times." He chuckled and it sounded so…attractive. Which reminded me…

"Um, Carlisle, is Edward here? I would like to thank him for helping me out." The good doctor actually smirked at my question and I suddenly felt that he knew more than he was letting on.

"No, he had a shift at the hospital. He didn't want to leave until he saw for himself that you were okay, but they don't like it when their residents don't show up on time. I'd be happy to relay the message when I see him if you want."

"That would be great, thank you." I don't know why, but I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to talk to him in person.

_ Because you like him. _

Wait, no I don't. Sure he was super attractive and he had been nice to me, but like him? No way. I fell for good looks once and look where it got me. The self-preservation instinct screamed at me that I needed to be cautious and not let just anyone close to me. Besides, I was not ready for anything like _that_ and wouldn't be for a long time. Charlie cleared his throat and brought me back to the moment.

"I'll drive you over to the motel to get your things. We'll come back in the morning for your car. I don't think you should be driving just yet." I nodded. I was pretty sure I was fine, but the way Charlie was trying to take care of me tugged at my heart a bit. It was just another indication that he really glad that I was here.

"Okay. Thanks again, Carlisle."

"It was nice to meet you, Bella. I hope next time it's under more pleasant circumstances."

We walked out of Carlisle's office and I could see that it was located right next the diner just as Edward had said it was.

_ Talk about convenient. _

We walked past my rental car and Charlie opened the passenger side door of the cruiser. I was thankful that there was no one in the parking lot at the moment. I didn't want to have to socialize and talk about me or my situation, especially since I had yet to give Charlie the full version. The drive to the motel was short and when we got there, Charlie gave me some time to get my stuff together. He made himself busy by heading toward the office to talk to Billy. Apparently they were good friends.

I gathered my things; careful to put all the items I had that said 'Bella Swan' on them all together. Luckily, I had only been carrying my 'Isabella Dwyer' license on me. It would have looked suspicious if I had two different forms of identification with two different names in my wallet, so I left the one that had 'Swan' on it behind. I wasn't sure what I was going to do about all that, but I would have to figure it out soon. I did know that the longer I went around as Isabella Dwyer, the more dangerous it would be for me.

_ Would it look weird to everyone if I went ahead and legally changed my name to Swan even though I had only been here for a couple of days? _

Probably, but that's most likely what I was going to end up doing. That is if I could even do it legally and still be safe. Anyway you spin it, I was going to have to lie to Charlie and everyone else for that matter. I wasn't ready to tell anyone about my husband, especially the Chief of Police.

I put all of the fake documentation into the manila envelope I had been carrying it in and then put it in my backpack. I would have to make sure no one found it. I hadn't really unpacked anything else so repacking was easy. Once I was finished, I put it all in the cruiser and headed around to the front with the room key so I could check out.

I walked into the office and Charlie beamed at me. "So Billy, you've met my…daughter." It was like he was trying the word out for the first time. Phil had used that word a thousand times to describe me and I never gave it a second thought. It took on a whole different meaning hearing it from Charlie. He could have questioned the truth of what I said, told me it was too late, dismissed me for my mother's mistakes…but he didn't. He accepted me as if the last twenty plus years had never existed. He never stopped loving me. The truth of that was evident in his eyes. And now he was introducing me to his friends as his daughter. That was proof that he wanted me as a permanent person in his life. The thought made my heart swell.

"I sure have, although I had no idea who she was when she checked in." His expression changed all of a sudden to one of pure sympathy. "I feel for ya, being related to him and all. He's one miserable son of a…"

"Okay then, I think we should get going. You all set?" Charlie asking me before Billy embarrassed him any further. I smiled in amusement.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Thanks for everything, Billy." I said as I handed over the key to my room.

"No problem. Listen, if he gets too cranky for ya, come back and I'll hook you up." Charlie rolled his eyes and I chuckled.

"I'll keep that in mind."

A few twist and turns later Charlie pulled up to a decent sized house with a huge front porch. Immediately I could see myself reading a book on the porch swing that just begged to be sat in. "Is this…did I live here?" I hadn't meant to ask so abruptly but the thought that this was my childhood home where I lived with my mom and Charlie was overwhelming. There was nothing that struck me with recognition, but I was three when we left. I didn't expect to remember anything.

"Um, yeah, this was the house we bought when I married your mother." Sadness overtook his eyes for a split second before he motioned for me to head inside. I walked up the steps and opened the front door, which was unlocked.

"You know, you really should lock your door when you're not home." Half of me was teasing him in a playful manner. The other was scared to death of walking into a house that had been wide open for the entire world to enter if they so wished.

"You're probably right. I guess I never felt the need." Of course he didn't. He was the goddamn chief of police. No one in their right mind would think about violating his property.

_ James is not in his right mind and thinks I'm his property. _

The door from now on would be locked at all times. I would be making sure of that.

Charlie gave me a tour of the house that lasted about all of five minutes. It was clean, but it was evident a man was responsible for keeping it up. It was generically decorated with a few feminine touches throughout that were extremely outdated. They were probably my mother's doing when she lived here. I was immediately sad. Sad that she wasn't here anymore and sad that Charlie had not moved on at all. It was clear he was still hanging on to what they had. He still had their wedding picture on the mantel for crying out loud.

He apologized for the state of my childhood room which was still decorated for a three year old. A crib sat in the corner of the room with Strawberry Shortcake bedding and a toy box sat underneath the window. I couldn't believe he had left it all these years exactly as it had been. Why hadn't he made the room into an office or something? Had he been waiting for me to come back? I didn't realize I was still staring at it until he started talking about the room not being suitable for an adult.

"Tomorrow we'll get you a real bed and a desk or something. You can do whatever you want to it. And I meant what I said. You can stay here as long as you like." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and stared at the room even though it was clear that he wasn't focusing on anything in particular. He was nervous.

"Thank you, Charlie, for everything. I'd like to stay…for awhile, if you don't mind. The room is perfect." I tried to smile but all I could manage was to anxiously nibble on my lower lip.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." I suddenly felt that I owed Charlie some answers. He had been so receptive, so giving. He needed to know, but the thought of reliving everything was unbearable at the moment. "Listen, Charlie, I know you deserve the full story and I really, really want to give it to you. It's just I don't think I can right now. It's just too hard." The tears started to well up in my eyes.

"Shhh, don't cry, Bells. Whenever you're ready. I just can't believe you're really here."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" It was the third time I heard him refer to me with that name.

"What, Bells?" I nodded. "I called you that on the day you were born and it just stuck, I guess. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll stop."

"No, no, I just wanted to know. I actually kind of like it." The smile that formed on his face made me feel like I had given him the world. I liked that he had a nickname for me. I liked that it was one that belonged to only us.

"Okay, Bells it is then. I thought we could order a pizza tonight and just relax. I figured you didn't want to go anywhere."

"That sound great, Charlie." And that's what we did. We at pizza, drank beer, and got caught up on our lives. I talked about growing up in Florida and he told me about being the police chief. The conversation never got too heavy, that was for another day. I slept on the couch that night. Charlie tried to get me to take his bed but I wasn't having it. He had already done so much. Even as he climbed up the stairs to bed he promised that the couch was only a one night thing. Feeling more relaxed and content than I had in a long time, I fell asleep quickly that night.

My father wanted me.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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